I guess those not raised with Western religion/Catholicism might not. And that's probably a majority on the planet, but maybe not a majority on reddit. IDK
What would be the appropriate puishment? What if the bird is a repeat offender? Or chirps out that far from regreting jerking his bird pecker off, he enjoyed it and will do it again? Enjoyed it! No regret! What can you do with such birds.
No wonder threyre up in those trees chirping away. I always suspected something was going on.
According to the article, vets. They were telling owners to discourage the birds from doing it, or even prescribing meds or surgery to stop it. They believed the birds masturbated because if stress or boredom.
Researchers discovered that wild birds did it more than pet birds, however.
Some of them never ever stop. They'd give gooners a good run for their money
I had a budgie that was constantly doing it the other birds in the cage were grossed out by him and one day right in the middle of doing his thing he dropped dead from a heart attack
He went doing what he loved, but the other birds were so happy and sang so much when he died lol
Yeah I'd underestimated how much his behavior was bothering the others, I was so busy trying not to project that I ended up making their living arrangement less than optimal, I should have given him his own space
So they thought it was a coping/stress behavior, and the solution was to medicate or even surgically prevent the birds from engaging in their coping mechanism? Humans really never change, huh?
There's a strangely large number of people who think that if they have two cats or dogs of the same sex snuggling, that means they're gay, and there's also a disturbingly large number of people who think masturbation is a sin or something. Which means there's gotta be people who think that if animals do anything sexual, and it's not to produce little baby animals, it's bad.
I mean I could absolutely see this being a response to stress and boredom, but the prescribed solution by these vets makes no sense. Why not focus on what is stressing or why the bird doesn't have enough engaging alternative activities? It seems like this course of action would only cause the bird to be even more stressed.
According to the article, it was feared that the birds would "hurt themselves" somehow. I'm not someone who is into keeping birds, but it seems that if you do keep birds, their cage should be set up that rubbing against things wouldn't hurt them. Maybe it's one of those things like how a stressed cat may overgroom themselves raw; a stressed bird may boink themselves into an injury? I dunno.
the thing is people are very controlling when it comes to these type of behaviors they see it is disgusting because humans do it 'privately' where as other animals do it in the open.
you could tell many people over and over again its natural behavior for birds to do this and still most bird owners aren't going to like it.
If you go on any of the parrot subreddits there is an ongoing thing of sending a bird to “horny jail”, which means isolating them in their cage. The thought is that allowing birds to become hormonal makes them more aggressive.
Nothing to do with your comment, but I want to take a minute and complain about the scientific term positive/negative reïnforcement/punishment.
I think they really should change it to additive/subtractive reïnforcement/punishment. Mostly because positive punishment is completely counter-intuitive and almost an oxymoron. Additive and subtractive make way more sense for giving and taking something away as punishment.
If they're in nature, most of the time the answer would be yes (even there they're influenced by humans in their surroundings). Putting an animal in a cage (for example) however is not natural, and it can incite behaviours that aren't natural. In captive animals that have too little (natural) stimuli, 'stereotypical' behaviour can occur, like weaving, walking the same path endlessly etc.
Wait yeah thats weird. Because its like schrodinger. In order for them to be in the matrix, we would have to first observe them, but for us to observe them they'd have to first be in the matrix.
And here I was, hoping for a name like "Beast of Birdin'" but it'll have to do. I don't have the heart to look it up though. That'd probably take a lifetime to erase that image lol
Of course it’s a cockatiel in the thumbnail. I had a very sweet cockatiel who would whistle songs with us and coo. He would also hop on my wife’s hand to masturbate on her pinky knuckle. At first we thought he was just doing a weird dance. Then he got slower and more deliberate and grunty. He shook and flew off to his perch, but left behind… a residue. My wife had to start hiding her hands when he was out of his cage.
I'm sorry, but can we just take a moment to appreciate the opening sentence of this article?
"An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax, with the results providing welcome relief for vets and researchers, not to mention the birds themselves."
Who is punishing birds for masturbating?! If I ever see a masturbating bird I'll pretend I didn't see it and let them take care of business. Same for other species.
Saw a video of a parrot in the wild get on a researcher's head and go at it.There were claws involved but the researcher managed to keep his cool. Ouch!
Not exactly punishing, but some people are telling their birds that they will grow feathers on their feet. This is quite disturbing for those birds that speak English.
This reminds me of how Robert Scott became aghast and shot his sled dogs when he caught them eating feces out of a craving for unmet nutritional needs. Prudish dumbshit popsicle.
> “An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax, with the results providing welcome relief for vets and researchers, not to mention the birds themselves.”
Some of them never ever stop. They'd give gooners a good run for their money
I had a budgie that was constantly doing it and the other birds in the cage were grossed out by him and one day right in the middle of doing his thing he dropped dead from a heart attack
He went doing what he loved, but the other birds were so happy and sang so much when he died lol
Ashamed-Status-9668 | a day ago
Cardinal sin.
Gnosis1409 | a day ago
Goddamnit
Stunning-Zone6607 | 19 hours ago
Youre shocked?
Garbhunt3r | 23 hours ago
Poor man’s award for you🏆
MantusTMD | 22 hours ago
Oh my god
ddz1507 | 18 hours ago
getout.gif
gorpie97 | 17 hours ago
🤣🤣🤣
Not enough upvotes for an 8-hour old comment!
nomadichedgehog | 6 hours ago
I think a lot of people wouldn't get it
gorpie97 | 4 hours ago
I guess those not raised with Western religion/Catholicism might not. And that's probably a majority on the planet, but maybe not a majority on reddit. IDK
nomadichedgehog | 2 hours ago
I was actually talking about the bird itself
sixhoursneeze | 22 hours ago
No blue bird has blue balls in the wild
Charmegazord | 15 hours ago
Comment has me crowing. I’m gonna parrot it everywhere…
3pok | a day ago
I am proud that I never found myself punishing a bird for jerking off. I am very open minded.
Commercial-Avocado-3 | a day ago
i don’t punish myself either.
noodletropin | 23 hours ago
I consider not punishing myself to be punishing myself. Or was that not a euphemism?
hopefullyhelpfulplz | 7 hours ago
The difference is that you ARE bad and need to be punished
Whole-Energy2105 | 7 hours ago
Oh I punish myself extremely while masturbating.
camshun7 | a day ago
Who in the heckiedoodie is ratting on the little fellas, smh
the_scarlett_ning | 23 hours ago
I buy my birds bird-porn. That way I can make sure they’re watching safe porn with adult birds only.
TesseractToo | 22 hours ago
That's called a mirror
Some birds just fall in love with their reflection
morganational | a day ago
I've been watching you, and I'm proud of you. 👍🏼❤️
AlexandrTheTolerable | 23 hours ago
Creepy
TheFlyingBoxcar | 22 hours ago
r/brandnewsentence
Stunning-Zone6607 | 19 hours ago
What would be the appropriate puishment? What if the bird is a repeat offender? Or chirps out that far from regreting jerking his bird pecker off, he enjoyed it and will do it again? Enjoyed it! No regret! What can you do with such birds. No wonder threyre up in those trees chirping away. I always suspected something was going on.
edgarecayce | 23 hours ago
So reading this right, I should have never gotten on that list for whacking it at the aviary? I mean, I was masturbating amongst birds.
Fold67 | 23 hours ago
Only if they were all adult birds.
edgarecayce | 20 hours ago
Well the ones in the eggs couldn’t see
Living-By-The-River | 19 hours ago
I’m going to start screaming into the trees now that I know what they’re doing up there.
promiseheron | 13 hours ago
i dont think you can call women that anymore
Oaktree27 | a day ago
Who is punishing the birds?
Faolyn | a day ago
According to the article, vets. They were telling owners to discourage the birds from doing it, or even prescribing meds or surgery to stop it. They believed the birds masturbated because if stress or boredom.
Researchers discovered that wild birds did it more than pet birds, however.
TesseractToo | 23 hours ago
Some of them never ever stop. They'd give gooners a good run for their money
I had a budgie that was constantly doing it the other birds in the cage were grossed out by him and one day right in the middle of doing his thing he dropped dead from a heart attack
He went doing what he loved, but the other birds were so happy and sang so much when he died lol
[OP] kwentongskyblue | 22 hours ago
gooned too close to the sun
TesseractToo | 22 hours ago
~~never mind~~
Acceptable_Trip4650 | 17 hours ago
You know what? It’s my fault for reading this far.
TesseractToo | 17 hours ago
Sorry I got carried away with the Icarus analogy :<
Faolyn | 23 hours ago
Death by chirp-chirp?
TesseractToo | 21 hours ago
The ladies were not interested in chirp-chrip with him
stryst | 18 hours ago
Birds are *brutal*.
TesseractToo | 17 hours ago
Yeah I'd underestimated how much his behavior was bothering the others, I was so busy trying not to project that I ended up making their living arrangement less than optimal, I should have given him his own space
Remarkable_Cake_4735 | 21 hours ago
Lol
XhaLaLa | 20 hours ago
So they thought it was a coping/stress behavior, and the solution was to medicate or even surgically prevent the birds from engaging in their coping mechanism? Humans really never change, huh?
Faolyn | 19 hours ago
There's a strangely large number of people who think that if they have two cats or dogs of the same sex snuggling, that means they're gay, and there's also a disturbingly large number of people who think masturbation is a sin or something. Which means there's gotta be people who think that if animals do anything sexual, and it's not to produce little baby animals, it's bad.
Maleficent_Pilot1137 | 20 hours ago
I mean I could absolutely see this being a response to stress and boredom, but the prescribed solution by these vets makes no sense. Why not focus on what is stressing or why the bird doesn't have enough engaging alternative activities? It seems like this course of action would only cause the bird to be even more stressed.
Faolyn | 19 hours ago
According to the article, it was feared that the birds would "hurt themselves" somehow. I'm not someone who is into keeping birds, but it seems that if you do keep birds, their cage should be set up that rubbing against things wouldn't hurt them. Maybe it's one of those things like how a stressed cat may overgroom themselves raw; a stressed bird may boink themselves into an injury? I dunno.
TemporaryElk5202 | 20 hours ago
Dumb vets imo. Birds are intelligent. Intelligent things like to masturbate. Birds, dolphins, humans, etc.
Remarkable_Cake_4735 | 23 hours ago
Well, wild birds are bored too, duh
ennuiui | 23 hours ago
And what's more high stress than living outside with all the predators?
AlexandrTheTolerable | 23 hours ago
Having a vet that won’t even let you masturbate.
Remarkable_Cake_4735 | 21 hours ago
Lol
Remarkable_Cake_4735 | 21 hours ago
Constant stress becomes boring
rainywanderingclouds | 21 hours ago
the thing is people are very controlling when it comes to these type of behaviors they see it is disgusting because humans do it 'privately' where as other animals do it in the open.
you could tell many people over and over again its natural behavior for birds to do this and still most bird owners aren't going to like it.
loungesinger | 21 hours ago
Seems like these birds may have a lawsuit. If only we knew someone adept in bird law.
Find_another_whey | 10 hours ago
Stress boredom, solitude, good company, relaxation, overstimulation, as a replacement for a bird...
Remarkable_Cake_4735 | a day ago
My guess is some pet owners
Regurgitator001 | a day ago
The church probably.
Noy_The_Devil | a day ago
I hear if you masturbate too much your wings grow feathers. Is this true?
Remarkable_Cake_4735 | 23 hours ago
Lol
jerbthehumanist | 23 hours ago
Sorry man, my bad. I will stop punishing the birds for masturbating.
sixhoursneeze | 22 hours ago
If you go on any of the parrot subreddits there is an ongoing thing of sending a bird to “horny jail”, which means isolating them in their cage. The thought is that allowing birds to become hormonal makes them more aggressive.
_Nacktmull_ | a day ago
No species should be punished for masturbating.
Siderophores | 16 hours ago
What about dogs and setting boundaries on the couch 😭
_Nacktmull_ | 2 hours ago
Punishment in animal training is an outdated and sadistic concept that has been replaced by positive reinforcement years ago.
Informal_954 | an hour ago
Nothing to do with your comment, but I want to take a minute and complain about the scientific term positive/negative reïnforcement/punishment.
I think they really should change it to additive/subtractive reïnforcement/punishment. Mostly because positive punishment is completely counter-intuitive and almost an oxymoron. Additive and subtractive make way more sense for giving and taking something away as punishment.
No_Performance8070 | 17 hours ago
What if the species is into that?
_Nacktmull_ | 2 hours ago
I don't kinkshame...
costafilh0 | 17 hours ago
Except monkeys.
loztriforce | a day ago
We have a cockatiel that loves to grind on one of its toys.
It's funny because the only thing our bird can say is "good bird", so it'll be getting itself off saying that.
bizarre_lizard | 23 hours ago
To be fair there's a lot of humans who get off on toys while being called "good boy/girl", so idk that seems pretty normal to me
sixhoursneeze | 22 hours ago
Reminds me of a comedian who said it’s hard to do dirty talk on non-binary people.
Sexy voice: ”You’re a bad person”
bizarre_lizard | 20 hours ago
As a nonbinary person, I can confirm this would work on me
AlbertTheHorse | a day ago
I think a lot of animals do it.
I've seen it in horses.
Very unsubtle.
Glittering-Lead246 | a day ago
They have no hands! Or arms!
AlbertTheHorse | a day ago
They have bellies. *shrugs*
Men, right?
costafilh0 | 17 hours ago
Some women like to help horses with that. You can see it on the internet.
Fresh_Sock8660 | 6 hours ago
Username...checks out?
AlbertTheHorse | 4 hours ago
Yes…I have a horse named…..Albert.
(It wasn’t him, btw)
zoidmaster | a day ago
Who the hell is punishing an animal for masturbating
CleaningCoyoteCalf | a day ago
The church I grew up in for one.
greenistheneworange | 3 hours ago
In the bell tower?
TemporaryElk5202 | a day ago
probably people with pet birds
GarbageCleric | 22 hours ago
Bird Satan.
Responsible_Ad1940 | 16 hours ago
catholics
costafilh0 | 17 hours ago
Porn stars.
nCubed21 | a day ago
Isn't everything animals do by definition natural?
Blue_Butterfly_Who | 23 hours ago
If they're in nature, most of the time the answer would be yes (even there they're influenced by humans in their surroundings). Putting an animal in a cage (for example) however is not natural, and it can incite behaviours that aren't natural. In captive animals that have too little (natural) stimuli, 'stereotypical' behaviour can occur, like weaving, walking the same path endlessly etc.
costafilh0 | 17 hours ago
Humans are also animals.
nCubed21 | 14 hours ago
You know I didnt know that. I was under the impression we were robots. Are aliens also animals?
Blue_Butterfly_Who | 9 hours ago
No, they haven't been uploaded in the matrix yet, they are still an unknown
nCubed21 | 9 hours ago
Wait yeah thats weird. Because its like schrodinger. In order for them to be in the matrix, we would have to first observe them, but for us to observe them they'd have to first be in the matrix.
Blue_Butterfly_Who | 7 hours ago
Schrödingers aliens 😅
Ugaritus | a day ago
Birds gonna get in hell for this.
WokkitUp | a day ago
Are there fun names? Like Feather Tethering? Or Beaking Off?
stilettopanda | a day ago
There are now.
Bird sex has a fun name though. Most birds only have an all purpose hole, and join them together- it’s called the “Cloacal kiss” hahaha
WokkitUp | 23 hours ago
And here I was, hoping for a name like "Beast of Birdin'" but it'll have to do. I don't have the heart to look it up though. That'd probably take a lifetime to erase that image lol
ArchStanton75 | 21 hours ago
Of course it’s a cockatiel in the thumbnail. I had a very sweet cockatiel who would whistle songs with us and coo. He would also hop on my wife’s hand to masturbate on her pinky knuckle. At first we thought he was just doing a weird dance. Then he got slower and more deliberate and grunty. He shook and flew off to his perch, but left behind… a residue. My wife had to start hiding her hands when he was out of his cage.
SortLow314 | 20 hours ago
(Insert hand fetish copypasta)
burnsian | 20 hours ago
I'm sorry, but can we just take a moment to appreciate the opening sentence of this article?
"An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax, with the results providing welcome relief for vets and researchers, not to mention the birds themselves."
Change21 | a day ago
#science
morganational | a day ago
Guys, stop punishing these horny birds! C'mon!
Western-Bet2285 | a day ago
Now these are the headlines I love showing up on my feed!
Plus-Ad-7983 | 23 hours ago
r/NotTheOnion
AlexandrTheTolerable | 23 hours ago
They don’t accept articles from The Guardian
[OP] kwentongskyblue | 22 hours ago
bonkers tbh
AlexandrTheTolerable | 22 hours ago
Indeed.
Edit: Makes me question the integrity of the mods. They seem to block most decent publications.
NoAbrocoma9357 | 21 hours ago
Who is punishing birds for masturbating?! If I ever see a masturbating bird I'll pretend I didn't see it and let them take care of business. Same for other species.
Darth_Lacey | 19 hours ago
Vets thought it was a sign of stress due to captivity. Turns out wild birds do it even more
TheMuffler42069 | a day ago
Who was punishing horny birds ? And how were they able to identify that the birds are masterbating ?
TesseractToo | 22 hours ago
Ohhhhh you can tell
antipolitan | 23 hours ago
Stop buying pet birds in the first place. Hell - stop buying pets.
If you must - adopt, don’t stop. Breeding is wrong and exploitative.
TallTallent | 14 hours ago
Who tf if our here punishing birds for this?!
Doridar | 12 hours ago
Any religious zelot denying Nature
PsychologicalLog4179 | a day ago
Great now I feel bad for choking my chicken.
Patralgan | 20 hours ago
Wait.. Who punishes that? Why? How?
Particular_Peacock | 17 hours ago
What sort of controlling asshole punishes their chirp for having an orgasm?
6ory299e8 | 17 hours ago
natural or not, what kind of psycho would punish a bird for that?
DrPeterVankman | 9 hours ago
Did a bird write this
bean930 | a day ago
Does...does anyone have a video of this happening? You know, for science?
[OP] kwentongskyblue | a day ago
FBI, this fella right here
AlexandrTheTolerable | 23 hours ago
I’m sure they’re already aware.
gigantesghastly | 23 hours ago
Every other post on r/parrots is “what is my bird doing” and the reply is always a big old wank.
Physical_Dentist2284 | 23 hours ago
The Catholic Church would like a word…
Rumblestillskin | 23 hours ago
I wonder if there are nofappers in the bird population punishing themselves for no good reason.
Prestigious-Copy-494 | 21 hours ago
Saw a video of a parrot in the wild get on a researcher's head and go at it.There were claws involved but the researcher managed to keep his cool. Ouch!
ph33rlus | 21 hours ago
Who’s been shaming birds all this time for this to be news?
ahmtiarrrd | 20 hours ago
"Bobby, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a scientist and study animal masturbation!"
Kaslight | 20 hours ago
Imagine spending your whole life in a FUCKING cage
and then being punished for jorkin it
griffaliff | 19 hours ago
I had this article sent to me in various WhatsApp chats / groups four times today. Funny stuff.
TipAfraid4755 | 16 hours ago
Ok noted with thanks
GhostGrom | 15 hours ago
Were there bird owners out there punishing this behavior?
DocumentExternal6240 | 12 hours ago
Why is the word natural in quotes in the headline?
bazonthereddit | 10 hours ago
Birds should wait until they are married to engage in sexual acts.
porizj | 23 hours ago
Try explaining that to the judge who banned me from Central Park!
iridescentcotton | 23 hours ago
Same with dogs humping. It's natural and people should just let them be.
AlexandrTheTolerable | 23 hours ago
Depends on what they’re humping.
Garbhunt3r | 23 hours ago
The same goes for when cats make sin biscuits. Disturbing? Yes. Natural? Also yes. We all seek pleasure one way or another
Big-Criticism-8137 | 22 hours ago
People are punishing it ? As far as I know people kept thinking their birds are "dancing" lmao.
God i hate some people.
juanbiscombe | 21 hours ago
Not exactly punishing, but some people are telling their birds that they will grow feathers on their feet. This is quite disturbing for those birds that speak English.
Big-Criticism-8137 | 21 hours ago
I am too high for this
ALittleWit | 22 hours ago
r/brandnewsentence
ColdBeginning2543 | 21 hours ago
I understand about birds but what about pussies?.
glakhtchpth | 21 hours ago
This reminds me of how Robert Scott became aghast and shot his sled dogs when he caught them eating feces out of a craving for unmet nutritional needs. Prudish dumbshit popsicle.
beigechrist | 21 hours ago
Oh, so I have to stop spanking that sparrow on the porch
Femveratu | 20 hours ago
Bailiff? Whack his pepe!
MouseEXP | 20 hours ago
Aight
morguerunner | 19 hours ago
Oh okay, I was wondering
engineeringsquirrel | 18 hours ago
We're a kink shame free zone. That include birds.
costafilh0 | 17 hours ago
Ain't no bird of mine onanist. Ain't no bird of mine going to hell.
covex_d | 16 hours ago
who tf is punishing birds for masturbation?!
fields_of-elysium | 16 hours ago
Who da fuk is punishing birds
MonkeyD_Horus | 16 hours ago
Me:Who would want to punish birds for beating off? Catholic Church: stares intensely at a cockatoo.
catslikepets143 | 15 hours ago
Masturbation in every animal species is normal & should never be punished.
ocxtitan | 15 hours ago
Then why do I get arrested every time I visit the aviary?
Butthole_Ticklah | 15 hours ago
Polly wanna cracker
Vitiligogoinggone | 13 hours ago
There’s nothing wrong with peckers.
Captainoblivious9 | 9 hours ago
Who’s mad at birds jerking off
MmmmmmKayyyyyyyyyyyy | 6 hours ago
It must be my mom, out there slappin birds for rockin it.
lowkeytokay | 5 hours ago
r/brandnewsentence
ThirdSunRising | 2 hours ago
Masturbating birds must be punished
anxietyhub | 55 minutes ago
What about me?
ThrillaWhale | 42 minutes ago
> “An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax, with the results providing welcome relief for vets and researchers, not to mention the birds themselves.”
Slow clap for that first sentence.
DangMeteor | a day ago
Finally the answer to a question which no one has ever cared about. Thanks science.
TesseractToo | 23 hours ago
Some of them never ever stop. They'd give gooners a good run for their money
I had a budgie that was constantly doing it and the other birds in the cage were grossed out by him and one day right in the middle of doing his thing he dropped dead from a heart attack
He went doing what he loved, but the other birds were so happy and sang so much when he died lol
Sea-Louse | 22 hours ago
Another article of journalistic excellence by The Guardian. I’m surprised they didn’t bring climate change into the conversation.