You’re not always allowed to hire assistance. People here on certain types of visas, especially students, may have very limited options on who can pay them to work. They usually know but might not or might not fully understand the rules.
Depends on your jurisdiction. Sometimes hiring someone without verifying their right to work is a crime. (Or without registering with the tax authorities, or social security, or ensuring they have adequate breaks, or or or... paying someone to work for you is often something that involves quite a lot of responsibility, since the law often doesn't really contemplate private individuals doing it outside of the super-rich)
No but TFA specifically mentioned hiring “grad students” as an example, and that could accidentally get them into hot water.
I’ve worked with foreign students and they have to be reminded that they can’t Uber or DoorDash or consult or basically do anything other than explicitly permitted work-study for income while they are here.
Pretty sure you can do yard work or shovel snow for someone one time and get paid like twenty dollars in cash.
As far as I know, nobody gets in trouble for that.
It only becomes a problem when the entity paying tries to enter it as an expense.
All the usual disclaimers apply.
I anal.
I am definitely not YOUR lawyer.
Well, generally speaking the one of most common kinds of visa that includes restrictions on working is visas for education (another common one is visas for temporary travel whether for business or pleasure, but while there may be more visas issued because people with these visas generally aren't staying, you are less likely to meet them or try to hire them), and it's common to travel for university-level education, more so for post-graduate education. So the largest population of foreigners which have restrictive visas is going to be post-graduates who are studying abroad. It's certainly the only situation where I have met someone who is legally in the country but I could not legally hire.
Hiring a physiotherapist is one that drives me mad. I have relatives and friends in real pain and they refuse to spend the £100 to £200 for a couple of sessions of physio to fix the problem. They can all afford it but they doggedly stick to mild pain killers and “it will sort itself out” eventually it may but what a waste of energy for months and years.
Actually they are right. Physio doesn't do shit for the pain and mild pain killers plus "wait and see" is all you got for back injuries. The good part is that it does sort it out but it takes years.
It's still a good idea to do some physio for learning some exercises that help on the long run. You'll have to do them yourself from time to time and they relate to exercising the muscles that sustain the spine. Don't think "hit the gym and workout the dumbbells for 30 minutes" type of exercise, that's out of the door forever if you value whatever spine remains you have left. Essentially just the act of walking around and doing some light workout of the muscles, don't allow them to atrophy. Stupid muscles, they atrophy the moment you allow them two bits of rest and you can't afford to do that because it's them that hold everything into place.
And not all physiotherapists are born the same. Some do stupid things and may damage your injury so always exercise judgement on what they put you to do. Like I had a work colleague that suffered a knee injury while skiing and had surgery then psysio. There was this machine / apparatus that you'd strap your leg to and it would "gently" rotate it in a bicycle like pattern. Said colleague refused to be strapped to it and some time later at a demonstration the machine got out of control and started spinning "the opposite of gently" and uncontrollably. Even a regular knee would have been damaged, can't imagine what an injured one would have endured.
Generally no machines, especially when your freedom of movement is restricted and controlled by someone or worse, something else. And if it hurts, abort, abort! You're not Arnold Schwarzenegger training, it's not supposed to hurt.
When people talk about pushing through the pain, they aren’t talking about injury, that would be insane, they are talking about the burn in your muscles from when you’re getting close to failure. If you’re training for muscle growth, this is something you need to get comfortable with doing.
I have had back pain and RSI for almost two years. My situation only got better after I started doing my physio exercises consistently.
I also learned things from physios on YouTube (e.g. Bob and Brad) that made a difference especially with the RSI in my hands.
My anecdotal experience doesn’t scaling with your claim. Of course, each pain is different and some just require good ol rest like you said. But that’s why you should spend the money to hire the professionals at the top of their game to tell you what is what.
Bob and Brad ("the two most famous physical therapists on the internet") are an absolute treasure. Always good to see them get some appreciation online.
I’ve used physiotherapy over the past decade for three injuries and can say categorically that it alleviates pain, speeds up injury recovery and prevents injury. Like all things, there is a spectrum of effectiveness, not all injuries can be fixed with physio (so do need surgery, some do just need time) and not all physios are equal.
>And if it hurts, abort, abort! You're not Arnold Schwarzenegger training, it's not supposed to hurt.
This strongly depends. Some post-surgery physiotherapy at least is quite painful, and it's necessary to push through it to get the best results. Not always, of course, and your physiotherapist should be aware of what their exercises should feel like.
I'm probably a weirdo, but the "write in books" is a massive no no for me. I can't imagine writing in a book (unless it's a total turd, but I assume we're talking about good, insightful books).
I do take notes, but always on separate sheets that I keep in the book. Just no way I'll write on the book itself.
These aren't recommendations; just things you can do. They serve as reminders for folks who may have habits which no longer serve them. The post-it greeting card and inline book notes aren't contradictory, they're just salient options to different people.
Books aren't for gathering dust, they are for engaging with. Margin notes and underlines is part of that. It's actually pretty great, you often discover different things on rereads.
The notion that books must be kept pristine is from libraries, does not apply to private books.
Greeting cards are looked at once, then usually gathering dust somwhere, and eventually thrown out. Different wheelhouse.
writing in books shows an intimate bond with that body of knowledge, and to me, it's much more interactive than taking notes separately (which i still do sometimes).
You're missing out !
I started doing it when I realized that a book is nothing sacred, just thoughts the author where having. So by taking notes, it's like having a conversation with her.
It has the benefit of also teaching you to be more "skeptical" of what you are reading, always a plus.
>I started doing it when I realized that a book is nothing sacred, just thoughts the author where having.
the sacred part is often tied into the history of the book , the edition, the tradition, the binding options, in some instances the rarity of the documented text, whatever.
I have many books that are heirloom items from generations before me, I would never write in them. They are a testament to their point in history, and altering them would be akin to defacing art in my eyes, depriving future generations from the beauty that I got to behold unsullied.
If we're talking about "Do you write in the margins for "C++ for Dummies 69th Edition", sure.
On the other hand, it takes joy from potential second hand readers who may want the opportunity to draw their own conclusions without having yours "primed" by inadvertently reading your notes.
I'm on similar thinking. Then, I got the idea of sticking tiny sticky notes where I wanted to write, which solved the problem. Write your notes in the stickies, then stick them with just a teeny-tiny piece protruding. Now, you can reference the notes and pick an area you thought was interesting by sticking a note on that page.
I just took a picture highlighting how I do now. Of course, room for improvement.
I haven't encountered it much (through also largely buying new) but a few times I've had that and been confused by the seeming arbitrariness of what's highlighted. As in it didn't seem important, insightful, or the hardest/least intuitive thing on the page, just nothing. Trolled by previous owner perhaps.
Interesting, I thought people would get more worked up over the "park illegally and let yourself think of the fine as a parking fee", especially with the "don’t break rules that matter" addition - there is usually a good reason why parking is illegal, and following only "rules that matter" is a slippery slope. So what if you are blocking a lane of traffic, it's just for a few minutes? Or that bike lane, no one ever uses it anyway? Or those disabled parking spaces, they're always empty?
I fully agree with you. "Park illegaly" - that's what selfish people do. Don't do a cost-benefit calculation for everything. Some rules are social contracts as well, and the fees work as a reminder that you broke them.
- blocking a sightline that pedestrians need to safely cross the road
- blocking a dropped curb that wheelchair/pram users need in order to mount and dismount the curb
- parking on the pavement so that wheelchair/pram users can't fit between the car and the wall, forcing them to go around on the street and putting them at greater risk
- damaging/cracking the surface because it is designed for foot traffic, not heavy vehicle loads
- intruding into a bus lane or bus stop, thereby causing delay for public transport passengers
If you only ever drive places, you tend not to think about the consequences of bad parking, because you don't suffer them yourself. But I don't drive, so I notice this antisocial ruining of the public commons all the time. Motorists are not good judges of which rules "really matter".
Yeah, when parking is not allowed somewhere it is always for a reason.
As a European I am using my bicycle to move around the city and the amount of times I got into dangerous situations because people park wherever they like was too high. I started reporting the violations to the police because I am sick of this antisocial behaviour.
i've also started illustrating books by printing pics from wikimedia relevant to the topic im reading. i just glue them in. its more 'destructive' than the pencil underlining but it can be fun to come back to such a book later or after many years.
I've toyed with hiring a local to wear a GoPro and walk the halls of the Louvre and one or two major cities, streaming the video to me in real time. I'd direct him or her so I could see the sights without the hell of travel. It's not on the list that I can find so I guess that it must not be allowed. ;-)
I've watched a lot of those but I was thinking of something interactive like the Amazon Explore product mentioned above.
For many years the Rhaetian Railways/Canton of Graubunden in Switzerland had high quality helmet-cam videos of a 30+ hour walk from Thusis to Tirano with many stops along the way. These were part of a beautifully done Flash website where one could "walk along" in real time. Unfortunately, when Flash went away so did the site. I wrote to them several times pleading for them to preserve it or at least make the videos available. They finally replied and said no, there was no interest let alone budget.
Wayback has the landing pages but not the videos which were served from elsewhere.
Amazon had something similar around 2021 called "Amazon Explore" for $10-$99, where a local tour guide would lead a small group. You could also buy souvenirs and have them mailed back to you. They seem to have discontinued it though.
Judging by the tourists around here, you can't claim to have been somewhere unless you have a selfie that shows you standing in front of [$FAMOUS_MONUMENT]. That selfie is much more important than actually inspecting the thing.
They'll take these selfies in front of any damn building - a brick-clad concrete lawyer's office built in the 90s, even a souvenir shop-window. If you're determined to be a tourist, at least look.
Learn how to decorate/style/design your interior spaces.
Making the space you spend most time in unreal, is a great use of time.
Or i guess as the article states - pay someone to do it? :)
do you have any good resources on that? Since I am interested in those topics I read a book on interieur design a few years ago, but it really wasnt that good, and I am still looking for more practical guides.
If you can, hire a professional. There are online services for it, and you can pay by the room. It’s affordable. You tell them your goals/constraints, they reimagine the space, and you just buy the referenced products.
Interior designers are miracle workers. Like many things, the difference between “the DIYer tried hard” and “this was done professionally” is night/day. It’s an option, anyway!
i dont have specific resources no - amazon is your friend though. check out some good starred books and go for it, or search "interior design books reddit" on google. The easiest way is to just check out some print titles like HOUSES, or any interior architecture blogs or what not....get an idea of what is put in a room...and quite literally imitate.
think about colour co-ordination - you may want to consult the free adobe kuler online app...or grab a colour theory book.
Next - think about materials: plastics, metals, stone, wood, ceramic, glass, terracotta, plant material. These should all/will all be in your living space. The mark of some SERIOUSLY impressive interior design - at least in minimal design styles is the "bringing of the outdoors indoors".
Next is the "style" - generally you're going for a design style, minimal, japanese, maximalist, art deco, etc etc (look these up) but then layering modern things within the chosen style, and antiques. This is the part which takes practise/skill.
Next - your character: what do you like to read, listen to, admire - litter that within your space. If you like to eat/drink - fill your kitchen with coffee making tools...like a fine italian coffee machine, a baeletti, a gooseneck kettle. A carrafe for wine. Matching ceramic tea, sugar and coffee containers. A fine knife set.
A "hacky" and "not that good" - but still...better than 90% of people is just..going to ikea....picking out a rug, some plants, a few pieces of furniture, cushions, throws, some striking hifi, lighting (and outside of ikea - getting paintings, artwork, sculpture and antiques), large, medium and small plants, aquariums (tanks by fluval are particularly awesome)
> The BIO848NV Cadaver Dissection class will no longer be a fee-based course. It will be converted into a for-credit class, to be offered Fall 2024.
Given that his comment is apparently only a month old and he defended offering this fee-based course because it helped preparing cadavers for other for-credit classes, it seems this change happened within the past month. I wonder what motivated this change given the tone of his comment.
On the subject of nannies vs daycare, does the US have an equivalent of family-based daycare?[0] When I was a young kid, my brother and I spent six hours a week in family daycare, and it was much better than the big centres.
I don't remember hearing Americans talking about that style of childcare, and was wondering if it exists over there, because it's a good compromise between a nanny and a massive childcare centre. Maximum 7 kids at a time, 4 if they're under school age, usually looked after by a stay-at-home mum[1]. Ours were all nice.
Home-based childcare is reasonably common as sibling points out.
Multnomah County (Portland OR) is rolling out preschool for all with an emphasis on home-based providers.
One of the major questions about that approach is how well it scales compared to expanding something like head start or funding the schools to add preschool services.
My mom did this for a few years when I and my sister were young. Had a couple more kids around, but it wasn’t a ton more work than the two of us, and she got paid.
Hiring a virtual assistant a few years ago was one of my best ever decisions. She's worth every penny and I don’t even use her services as much as I ptobably could.
What kind of tasks do you find yourself delegating to a virtual assistant? I’ve thought about it, but am unsure if I’d really find enough work to delegate.
Have you tried to get ChatGPT to answer questions about factual topics at a level of junior grad student/hobbyist independent researcher?
It will generally tell you those things which are known to someone who has neither done detailed research, nor gained specific insights into that topic. (Together with made-up stuff.)
Read the article by atul gawande linke in thee. As a programmer i do wonder what has caused my performance in terms of learning longer, massive subjects to peak. I think as a kid I used to just storm and power through learning things, even though my technique was still flawed. I just applied shear will power to get through hard subjects I had no fucking clue about.
I picked and learnt pre modern C++ to build NNets as my first CS project in 2002 and I had never coded in my life. It took me 3 months to just learn the damn MS Visual Studio c++ toolchain. But I did it anyway. I taught myself full stack development and found JS functional programming refreshing in 2006 when modern js frameworks were still young and no one around me took JS seriously(everyone was learning Enterprise java for web).
Then I became more picky about what to take up because of constraints. Somewhere along the way programming became about making a living. Things changed, I found learning had slowed to a crawl.
I don't think I have peaked in my ability to learn as much as peaked in making learning sustainable. But lately that is changing.
I felt renewed reading the words from Atul Gawande. Music and surgery have, it seems many similarities to software development. I have to keep upping my skill, develop patience, manage my mental health to pull off modest feats. I think coaches are important(though I could do better with seeking better career advice on choosing good problems to solve )
Completely coincidentally and serendipitously I have hired or used life coaches and therapists to help me and they have no experience on programming. they have made me look at aspects of my learning process, my beliefs and what I value and that is helping me make my learning sustainable; even though they are not programmers.
I think focusing on getting a good learning rhythm first was important for me to attain first in what I hope is my second wind in my programming career.
Shockingly dancing was not mentioned? Or have I missed it?
I’ve encouraged many programmers to start dancing as they are naturally gravitating toward Argentinian Tango which is flourishing with good programming of steps combined with improvisation.
As someone who has attended over 200 Phish concerts, 80% of those solo, I invite all of you to join in the joy of 20,000 people dancing however they want and fitting right in.
Travel. Exotic, remote, cca unspoiled even if poor places. Don't have exact plan, just return ticket and ideas/knowledge. If you are alone, people strike conversations more easily, you get much much more from these interactions than just pretty beach or mountain pictures. Vacations you will keep thinking about till your last breath, even if its sometimes more difficult during them. South east Asia or South America are great for those.
I know quite a few people who literally can't just go on their own. They will bundle up with dubious people and go to subpar vacation they will hate afterwards, but its simply a mental block too big to overcome.
I have a connection on LinkedIn who works in a leadership position in Microsoft who had recently written a post about why she doesn't send "thank you" email because she wants to save the world by reducing their carbon footprint by reducing the number of emails sent. I am a liberal at heart but I really wanted to comment "Shut up, please shut up, I am begging you to shut up." I want to say the same to you.
It seems odd to treat the suggestion that unnecessary emails cause excessive carbon emisions and the suggestion that unnecessary air travel causes excessive carbon emissions as the same or similar.
I think the implication is that on an individual level neither matters, and that suggesting, on social media, people stop traveling to prevent climate change is both ridiculous and harmful to anyone working to actually improve carbon emissions.
Yeah good intentions do often backfire (road to hell...), and this is one of the ways. Shaming folks for stuff they do normally when alternative is simply stop seeing parents and grandparents (for us this is currently way more carbon than all vacations combined). People simply shut off and go on to have a life, there is only so much existential dread you can pour on civilization before it becomes next norm, facts be damned.
I have 2 small kids, life is often a daily struggle in one way or another, I couldn't care less about current carbon footprint just like I don't care about another non-urgent bottom 500 priority stuff. Vote in politicians that will take care of that instead of focusing on smooth corporate profits if you want to send positive message and change, and motivate folks to do the same to increase impact.
> I couldn't care less about current carbon footprint just like I don't care about another non-urgent bottom 500 priority stuff.
That’s the thing: these narcissists on LinkedIn don’t care about their “carbon footprint” either. It’s all virtue signaling performance act targeting the Very Concerned people who eat these platitudes up. That’s what makes these statements so irritating.
If I had just one advice to give, that would be the one.
Talking about lists, I love this one:
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”
For me the weird thing is that I couldn't imagine myself eating alone at a restaurant (and basically never did)... until I had to travel for work. Suddenly, eating at restaurants by myself was mandatory, and it was perfectly fine and normal. Nothing to be scared of.
Now I can eat by myself wherever, whenever, no issues.
It's strange how being forced to do something can make you change your perspective so completely.
Not really, I think it's about that self-narrative, if you find a pathway to telling yourself how something is normal, well then clearly it is. You know how.
Before being forced to, the narratives you probably had about someone eating by themselves were all about being loners or at least something negative. Now you know more reasons and the new reasons feel positive or socially acceptable, so you're willing to do the activity.
I suspect there's a step in the middle of this which is rationally coming to the reason vs experiencing it which also makes a difference. IE I can do some uncomfortable activity because I believe some reason that it's ok, but haven't experienced it, vs I've experienced an activity and now know it's fine, so now it's comfortable or easier.
I mean... It's definitely not mandatory, like at all, when I travel alone for work I usually get takeout. The only time I'll ever eat at the restaurant is at the bar and only if I'm also getting several drinks.
It's strange how we can think about totally normal situations as being awkward. I always liked the scene in the movie "As good as it get's" where Jack Nicholson asks Holly Hunt to go for a walk, and she replies that it's very early in the morning and it would be strange to walk through the city at that time, and Jack Nicholson then say's "Yes, but in 20 minutes the Cafe down the block opens. If we go there we're not some weirdos walking around in the morning, we're just two people getting some coffee." I don't know if the conversation was exactly like that(been a while since I saw that movie) but you should get my point I hope. :)
Honestly it’s not the shame that make me avoid this but it’s more the lack of sense I feel to an experience if I don’t share it with someone.
As an example, I have no issue eating alone in a restaurant if it’s needed and I can even appreciate the loneliness when it happens but I can’t see the interest to go out alone on my own.
But I can acknowledge that maybe I’m missing something.
For me it's mostly vibe and ambiance issue with the restaurants. "Fast food" restaurants that serve your meal quickly are usually friendly to single person.
Maybe a community curated list of places that are friendly to solo diners would be helpful? I have a few that I visit often.
At my club in London we have the club table (seats 24) set aside for those who are dining alone. It's an interesting way to meet people from time to time and you can bring a book down from the library or get your e-reader out if there is no one else. You can't introduce non-members unless no one at the table objects.
Great ideas! Now when I go be a nomad, or go to live with friends, should I bring the wife and kids (and dogs) along too, for the laugh? I have about as much scope of move 1 hour down the road as I do to move to the Moon!
I mean, I'm sure that if you'd really want to, you'd come with a creative solution that would be beneficial for everyone. People with skin in the game that feel a particular need so strong as if they need to breathe oxygen, they usually have a shot at making stuff like this work, others don't.
That's my experience at least. I've heard quite a few times that what I'd do is impossible. Then they saw me do it and then I heard "oh but if you do it that way, then yea, with a lot of effort is is possible."
It's a mindset thingy, and the mindset that I see written in your comment feels like "I can't realistically." I get that, but IMO it's not the most helpful mindset if you want to do things that are slightly (or completely) off the beaten path. Martin Seligman's book helped in this aspect (Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life).
It's the reality of many families all over the world, so, yes, you can if you want to I think is what the article is suggesting.
I don't think the list is meant to be a "you must do these things" list, it's more to say "yes, you can absolutely do this if you want to, there is no cosmic force that stops you if _this is what you want_. I get your comment was incredulous towards an idea which isn't want you would want for yourself and your family, but my understanding is that the author's intent was to share their own realization that just because the things on their list are sometimes considered unusual or not normal doesn't mean you're forbidden from doing them. I think the author's point is more "you should not needlessly exclude valid options" as you're finding out what you really want to do in any element of life.
So your statement of incredulity is understood, sure -- you wouldn't want this right for yourself and your family at this time. The point is that if it is something you and your family wanted to do and could do, then the fact that it's not common for families to be nomadic shouldn't be a reason why you don't do it.
“Why do you feel the need to be snarky?” If spoken correctly the tone implies I am seeking clarification. If interpreted childishly as mocking, it is down voted due to a lack of bandwidth in text communication.
Lists like these remind me of how far I have to go as a person. I can and do do a lot of these to the point where I’d say they’re all within immediate reach. However, having the time, energy, and drive to be able to collate this list, self-test it, and weather feedback is totally beyond me. I’m grateful that we have people like the author who are both productive people and also generous enough to gather and share their wisdom with others.
Out of curiosity, do you interpret the list as a list of accomplishments or a goal list?
My interpretation of the author's intent is that it was more to show how much we limit ourselves needlessly due to our own perceptions (however we got them) that such things are "not normal and shouldn't be done."
If I had read this article 10 years ago, it would not have resonated with me as it does today, but I was in a much different mental state 10 years ago. As I got to a better mental state I also started to eschew a lot of the limitations I placed on myself on what I can or cannot do -- don't interpret this too drastically, as many of the limitations I would put on myself were quite strict about absolutely benign and minor things, for example (and also from the article), "ask obvious questions". I was so afraid of looking stupid for not knowing something and also did not handle when I got dismissive responses to my questions at work, which meant I would stress myself out trying to research something I didn't understand well and conceptually had difficulties even starting to grasp, so even though I'd usually get it _eventually_, it was only after a lot of mental and emotional stress and lots of really dumb or bad mistakes (which garnered further dismissive statements/comments). What changed was I stopped being embarrassed that I don't know something completely unfamiliar to me, and instead practiced how to express:
- Here's what I understand so far
- Here's what I'm not certain about and would like clarification on
- Here are the questions I have that I don't even know how to start finding the answer to
- Here's why the questions/clarifications are important for my thought process
When I started framing it like this, I began to realize that the dismissive response _typically_ (not always naturally) came from one of two reasons:
1. The responder themselves didn't get why I was so lost on the subject before and thought I was dumb/lazy, but now they could see my train of logic and understand how I got to these questions/concerns
2. The responders were dismissive because they themselves did not know how to answer these questions and did not want to admit this, and instead decided to be dismissive.
It really opens up your own world and is great for your mental and emotional well-being when you stop limiting yourself needlessly on very basic things in life. Even physically and financially you can improve just by not limiting yourself needlessly, for example, talking about salaries with your coworkers, making counter-offers to unsatisfactory salary offers, asking for counter offers from your current employer if you get a job offer with a better salary.
This isn't to say that you will always be successful in these items, but my experience is the successes tend to outnumber the failures, and even when there are failures, often there's a silver lining from them. (e.g., using salary discussions again, a vitriolic reaction from a current employer I was considering leaving due to low salary/high stress job was scary and hurtful at first, but it made the decision to leave much easier as I saw plainly that not only was it possible for me to have a better paying/less stressful job, my request for counter-offer showed that my current employer really did not care how unhappy I was with my job -- the decision to leave became way easier)
Even just think of a few "out of the box" things you've done in life that worked well for you, I bet you could make a pretty decent list also.
You know those answers you enjoy reading on Stack Exchange, Reddit, Quora, etc.? Someone had to ask those questions. It can be you
As someone with firsthand experience at this, I'd recommend not doing this. What will happen is your post will be auto-spammed/filtered, or be downvoted if it does show. I have had even good, relevant questions on Math Exchange be downvoted for not being specific enough or good enough. Tread carefully. This is not 2008-2014. The standards for participation have risen, algos and mods are way more strict.
Yeah, if it's a genuinely novel question do not expect people to put work to find out an answer. It will mostly linger and get some random votes. Alas, some people are annoyed by hard questions and they will decide to downvote/bury and they will even come up with good-sounding reasons for it, afterwards.
But as a newbie, you never know beforehand whether your question is novel or trite. Give it a try!
Apparently the bar is whether you are “allowed” to do it, not whether it is a good idea.
I put “allowed” in scare quotes because this is yet another article that projects onto others what is so obviously just self-doubt and worries about convention and norms. It’s a real thing, it happens to most of us, but when you realize that there is no spotlight, things get easier.
I'm glad I've done some of the non-obvious ones like quitting the job, living off savings, trying something new, working in public, etc. Along the way I also picked up learning the value of my time and negotiate terms.
Somewhat related and equally important is to recognize that "there's no speed limit" and you are allowed to go faster:
Things you can also do: nothing on this list. Seriously, a list like this often makes one feel like one is not getting most out of life, but realistically most these things are not for everyone. Good to be reminded about the agency of one's decisions, but you do you.
i started scribbling on walls and it felt like i was doing something i shouldnt do but over time it felt good, i could also paint over parts that i'm not happy with and scribble over them...
You get so much information, so many services and favours, and access to so many things if you are willing to put yourself in a potentially uncomfortable position of asking. I thought that when I ask questions that make me uncomfortable I would regret most of them, but it turns out I only regret like one out of every 30 uncomfortable questions I ask.
I strive to ask more until I reach 10 % regretted, but I don't see it happening any time soon.
----
Something else not on this list is:
- Make your own everyday small-stakes insurance by betting with acquiantances.
This takes a willing counterparty, but you can insure a lot of things. Pay a friend $10 on the condition that they will pay you $100
- if the flight departure is canceled, or
- if it's raining on your picnic date, or
- if you get sick on the day of an important meeting.
It won't fix the problem, but it will be a band-aid on the wound.
You may have to adjust the odds based on the probabilities involved, of course. The goal is to offer odds such that your friends just about make money off of you in the long run, meaning there's something in it for them also.
For the insurer: If you're the kind of person who won't blink at paying out $100 you've got better things to do with your time than collecting $10.
For the insured: It's not going to take the sting out of bad news if the payout comes from a loved one anyway. Why would I want to transfer my misfortune to Grandma?
Exactly. I don't want my friendships to have any unnecessary financial constraints. I don't even particularly like to track what people owe at the bar; if I buy you three drinks and you buy me two, you don't owe me anything next time.
I also don't really see the point. Insurance is for risks that will wipe you out. Insuring things for levels you (and therefore likely your friends) can afford is basically just a stochastic wealth transfer to whoever is better at estimating risks.
I also couldn't think of anything more embarrassing than using a friend this way. Could you imagine having a conversation along the lines of "hey can I use you as an insurance company, if I'll pay you $10 will you pay me $100 back if I'm Ill for a meeting?". Frankly I've never heard anything quite so ridiculous.
I really wouldn't want to be friends with someone who always asked a bunch of inane questions everywhere we went and constantly wanted to use me as their insurance company.
But I guess there might exist someone somewhere that enjoys being around this sort of behavior??
Or alternatively: it's only a crime if you get caught.
A really big and normalized one is tax evasion in the form of paying for items or services in cash without administration. Most if not all people you can hire for jobs around the house - gardeners, cleaners, handimen, plumbers, construction, painting, etc - will take cash instead of going on record.
The challenge there is that this takes trust, because you take a risk as well / there are no assurances if they do half a job. Make sure you get an address so you can torch their house or business if they mess you about.
A good lawyer will rarely outright tell you something is a crime or not. An accountant may tell you not to do something because it's illegal. A lawyer will instead focus on how good a case could be made against you and what the tradeoff would look like.
Strongly disagree on this. Where I am, a lawyer will tell you squarely if something is criminal. If the facts or law are unclear, they may advise about the balance of risk that creates, but the conclusion (if x, therefore crime) will be clear.
The beauty is that one does not even have to break the law to get a wider perspective this way. Getting caught or not getting caught for a crime is another thing all together.
> The challenge there is that this takes trust, because you take a risk as well / there are no assurances if they do half a job. Make sure you get an address so you can torch their house or business if they mess you about.
In what country is your recourse against a business determined by whether or not the business is paying its due tax?
I'm sure there are innocuous ways of implementing this advice, but I think it also leads to a lot of degeneracy. I understand many people prioritize success and that this is probably a common part of business. But that doesn't make the principle "it's ok unless there's a formal reason saying it's not ok" any less awful.
I've learned to never create a situation where friends or family need to press one another for owed money. I've always just paid for reasonable things if friends were short on cash. Not because I'm a pillar of charity, but asking for repayment is an unpleasant task.
And I'd strongly recommend against renting an apartment or house from family. At best, it adds unwanted dimensions to relationships. At worst, it turns times in life when you would've merely tripped into times when you trip and fall into a snarled briar of family problems.
A number of these are astonishingly difficult to do. For example, I spent forever trying to find someone willing to repair my leather couch and couldn't.
Write on a post-it note affixed to a greeting card rather than on the greeting card itself, so the recipient can throw away the post-it and reuse your card
I...what? Why are you giving cards to someone who'd throw away the note? Stop giving meaningless cards.
Let the credit cards on recurring bills expire
You can try this but I've had at least one service (Xbox Live) manage to miraculously get my new card information without me giving it to them. Cancelling the card will cancel any service but just letting it expire and getting a new card with the same number and different expiration date might not.
Hotels where you can sleep comfortably
Should add this to the list: you can bring your own sheets and pillows to a hotel.
> You can try this but I've had at least one service (Xbox Live) manage to miraculously get my new card information without me giving it to them. Cancelling the card will cancel any service but just letting it expire and getting a new card with the same number and different expiration date might not.
Depending on where you are, companies can get updated payment information from your financial institution. I use revolut virtual/disposable cards for many things for this reason. I think privacy.com is the US equivalent.
A lot of these should come with the caveat that they are not an option for most people. Heck, most of these either involve spending money or outright paying someone (anywhere from three to six figures) to do something for you. The more affordable versions of "hire someone" boil down to offloading work to a lower income country or finding someone willing to do your work for less.
> Treat fines like payments
While true, this is literally "if the punishment is a fine, it's only illegal for poor people".
> Be a nomad
Having spoken with true nomads (i.e. not expats just remote work-cationing in one popular location like Thailand) this is actually exceptionally complicated and expensive, especially if you don't want to pay double taxes. And of course you still need to be able to get a visa for each country in the first place. If you have the requisite money however you can effectively bypass most taxes this way though as long as you don't settle down.
I know some people bark about the non-technical stuff on HN, but a post about darning changed my life. When I get a hole in my jeans these days I will actually fix them rather than just buy a new pair. It’s frankly saved me thousands of dollars and is pretty relaxing and satisfying to do.
I had some wool (mostly) socks that I love and are 95% in great condition, but the other 5% was holes/near holes in several key spots.
I finally got around to trying darning, and I succeeded, and it's incredibly satisfying to look at and wear those socks. It makes me happy that I managed to turn them from trash into something that'll last another couple of years, and every time I look at them I'm reminded of that.
I even chose some bright colorful yarn for the darning, and it just improves the experience even more for me.
>Buy goods/services from your friends It’s not weird unless you make it weird
No, but it might change the nature of the relationship, which is a risk. If the goods/services don't work out then you risk ruining the friendship. Appreciating the risks involved is important.
This is one of those lists where it's ruined by the author's compulsion to make it impressively long. As a result it's filled with things that you're obviously allowed to do ("Ask questions online", "say I don't know", "give to charity", "quit your job") which make it more difficult to find the small number of good ones ("Hire a researcher").
It means that overall the list is quite pointless and low quality.
Quitting your job is not an obvious thing for many people. There are so many assumptions for how somebody should quit their job that are baked in to people's minds. I should stay an extra few months for the bonus, I should wait until I have another job. Or you could just... quit.
Rubbish. Everyone knows they can quit their job. That's how you leave jobs. Do you think there are people working in the same job their whole lives because they don't realise they can quit? Of course not!
You've just given a few reasons why people don't just quit their jobs, but they are obviously aware that they can just quit their jobs.
Also this is clearly written from the perspective of an overpaid programmer. Most people can't just quit their jobs because they need to pay rent/mortgages and don't have huge savings pots.
About the personal assistant, I'm starting to think if it would be worth it for me in the future. Right now I'm still in engineering school so I don't have the money for it but I have so much sideline stuff that I'm hitting the limits of just reminders.
I have a very bad memory for things I have to do but since reminders I set up never appear right when I can do the task I still forget about it.
I have "buy new shoes", or "go to the ophtalmologist" in my phone since 4 months for example.
Are there people here that have a personal assistant and can share their experience ?
Side note : that's one of the reason I think I may have ADHD, I still have the reminder to take an appointment with a psychologist on my phone....
> I have a very bad memory for things I have to do but since reminders I set up never appear right when I can do the task I still forget about it.
Taking some inspiration from GTD, you can have different reminders, or rather task lists, for each different environment/moment. You can have one for “on-the-go” which are things you want to do when you are out of the house doing errands (“buy new shoes” would go here probably).
At least where I’m from, you have to schedule a doctor’s appointment before going there, so I’d replace “go to the ophthalmologist” with “schedule ophthalmologist appointment”. You can do that over the phone in less than 2min in your free time so I’d put it in a “free time” list. After that it’s no longer a task/problem, all you have to do is show up.
> Side note : that's one of the reason I think I may have ADHD, I still have the reminder to take an appointment with a psychologist on my phone....
Set many alarms, right now, to book that appointment. If you don't have ADHD or another disorder then you're only out a chunk of money, but if you do and can get medication then it can be life-changing.
I was a bit frustrated with my performance in an online game (Battle royale genre) so I just messaged the once EU/NA #1 leaderboard player if he would do some coaching... Did it for one year, once a week, it was such a great experience. He is such a great individual and I took a lot of the mindset he taught me into my professional life
Eh what? That's definitely not allowed in most of the world. Other than that many of these are just you are allowed to pay other to do stuff for you, which is more a question of wealth than about if one dares to do it. The thing about treating fines like payment is peak clueless upper-middle-class-plus to me.
You are misunderstanding. Ofc everyone does it, you'd be stupid not to. But it is most definitely not allowed, as it is illegal to download papers from there. Nobody ever gets busted, but its bull to put that on a list of things you are allowed to do.
I think you're taking the title too literally. The article is about things you can do, but that you probably didn't ever consider as options. Replace "allowed to" with "can" in the title, and you'll get closer to the real point of the article.
Better than doing this is to email the author and ask for a copy. It's their work, and they usually (maybe always?) have no financial stake in the gated access which dominates academic publishing. I've had success using this method to read papers to which I did not have access through a paid service.
If the mole or skin tag is detrimental to your health, or if you nose's pathway is giving you trouble breathing, then yes, I'm in favour of an operation.
If it is just for cosmetics you are not doing yourself a service. Most of the time people do it because they have a low self esteem.
Some of those are obvious, but in a strange "and yet I haven't thought of it that way" way. Some are reasonable advice.
"You can dissect a cadaver" was genuinely unexpected.
Nothing against specific professional help, like personal trainer, but I think "Hire a coach" belongs more in the "Things to not waste your money on" list.
And last, but not least: "Follow up many times. You won’t make people mad if you’re polite" is just wrong, I'm usually mentally cursing persistent recruiters by the time they follow up for the third (and, thankfully, usually, last) time. I'll report as spam in every conceivable way anyone that goes further than that.
Oh and it'll all be fine as you could get a grant and you don't need to worry about money or your kids or any of that stuff, and no one who failed at all this or ended up on the streets because of it will write a blog post and point out that it's absolutely unrealistic and flat out stupid.
buy a good dissecting microscope, take a spider or insects, then distinguish it. if you have good resource of taxonomy information and specimens, after two years, you can reach same skill level as Master degree students of life science .
p.s., Biologists have another skill, but distinguishing bugs still funny.
I actually don't think that's a good idea. I have observed so many friendships break this way that I think it is not worth it. I also have bad experiences personally.
Why would you want buy/sell services with your friends? To get a better deal? If you are getting a better deal out of this, you are likely to cause your friend to think they are getting bad deal and are exploited in this relationship. If you don't want to get a better deal than the market rate, just go and buy from anybody else in the market.
Even if you buy/sell with the friend at a market rate, he or you might be pressed into thinking you or them are expected to provide a better service. And this might come with the resentment ("I am being paid the same but expected to do more/better job")
If you provide services at a market rate to a friend, they might think they should be getting a better deal from you for the fact you are their friend. So for example, if you are a car mechanic and you are fixing their car, you might be doing a more thorough job but still charging them the same and at the same time they might not be able to appreciate that they are already getting a good deal and be unhappy with what they are getting.
As I work with computers / do software development, I simply refuse when friends ask me if I can do a website for them or fix their computer. I certainly could do this, but I am also certain that nobody is going to be happy with this relationship. My real hourly rate is so enormous and my website making skills so poor that they are 100x better just going to fiverr which is what I try to steer them to.
So my personal rule is to try to stay away from doing business with my friends unless they are friends that became my friends because I was doing business with them in the first place and we have healthy business relationship. I call them business friends/acquaintances. These people actually understand the business and understand the services I provide and can appreciate when they are getting a good service. I can charge them more than market rate and they will still be happy because they are getting much better service with much less risk.
>Why would you want buy/sell services with your friends? To get a better deal?
No, as the article says, to support artists and the like. Maybe you have a friend who paints, or makes jewelry, or has a band that sells CDs of their music. The point is to support these endeavors (and hopefully you enjoy the results).
jongjong | 2 years ago
SoftTalker | 2 years ago
hughes | 2 years ago
lmm | 2 years ago
pxeger1 | 2 years ago
kubanczyk | 2 years ago
A legal wrong, generally, as in most cases it's not under criminal law.
notatoad | 2 years ago
booleandilemma | 2 years ago
nkrisc | 2 years ago
robotresearcher | 2 years ago
eru | 2 years ago
raincole | 2 years ago
It tells a lot about what's wrong with... everything.
SoftTalker | 2 years ago
I’ve worked with foreign students and they have to be reminded that they can’t Uber or DoorDash or consult or basically do anything other than explicitly permitted work-study for income while they are here.
mcny | 2 years ago
It only becomes a problem when the entity paying tries to enter it as an expense.
All the usual disclaimers apply. I anal. I am definitely not YOUR lawyer.
yakshaving_jgt | 2 years ago
rcxdude | 2 years ago
yakshaving_jgt | 2 years ago
rcxdude | 2 years ago
golergka | 2 years ago
simonbarker87 | 2 years ago
MichaelRo | 2 years ago
It's still a good idea to do some physio for learning some exercises that help on the long run. You'll have to do them yourself from time to time and they relate to exercising the muscles that sustain the spine. Don't think "hit the gym and workout the dumbbells for 30 minutes" type of exercise, that's out of the door forever if you value whatever spine remains you have left. Essentially just the act of walking around and doing some light workout of the muscles, don't allow them to atrophy. Stupid muscles, they atrophy the moment you allow them two bits of rest and you can't afford to do that because it's them that hold everything into place.
And not all physiotherapists are born the same. Some do stupid things and may damage your injury so always exercise judgement on what they put you to do. Like I had a work colleague that suffered a knee injury while skiing and had surgery then psysio. There was this machine / apparatus that you'd strap your leg to and it would "gently" rotate it in a bicycle like pattern. Said colleague refused to be strapped to it and some time later at a demonstration the machine got out of control and started spinning "the opposite of gently" and uncontrollably. Even a regular knee would have been damaged, can't imagine what an injured one would have endured.
Generally no machines, especially when your freedom of movement is restricted and controlled by someone or worse, something else. And if it hurts, abort, abort! You're not Arnold Schwarzenegger training, it's not supposed to hurt.
mcny | 2 years ago
Yes. I absolutely detest people who tell me "pain is weakness leaving the body" as if I solicited their advice.
dinkleberg | 2 years ago
elvis10ten | 2 years ago
I also learned things from physios on YouTube (e.g. Bob and Brad) that made a difference especially with the RSI in my hands.
My anecdotal experience doesn’t scaling with your claim. Of course, each pain is different and some just require good ol rest like you said. But that’s why you should spend the money to hire the professionals at the top of their game to tell you what is what.
approxim8ion | 2 years ago
simonbarker87 | 2 years ago
rcxdude | 2 years ago
This strongly depends. Some post-surgery physiotherapy at least is quite painful, and it's necessary to push through it to get the best results. Not always, of course, and your physiotherapist should be aware of what their exercises should feel like.
dudul | 2 years ago
I do take notes, but always on separate sheets that I keep in the book. Just no way I'll write on the book itself.
sasaf5 | 2 years ago
My own approach is to write my impressions on a slim notebook, and to keep it besides the book on the shelf.
nosefurhairdo | 2 years ago
marginalia_nu | 2 years ago
Books aren't for gathering dust, they are for engaging with. Margin notes and underlines is part of that. It's actually pretty great, you often discover different things on rereads.
The notion that books must be kept pristine is from libraries, does not apply to private books.
Greeting cards are looked at once, then usually gathering dust somwhere, and eventually thrown out. Different wheelhouse.
behnamoh | 2 years ago
dudul | 2 years ago
How is taking notes less interactive than writing on the book itself? Both happen at the same time.
Geste | 2 years ago
serf | 2 years ago
the sacred part is often tied into the history of the book , the edition, the tradition, the binding options, in some instances the rarity of the documented text, whatever.
I have many books that are heirloom items from generations before me, I would never write in them. They are a testament to their point in history, and altering them would be akin to defacing art in my eyes, depriving future generations from the beauty that I got to behold unsullied.
If we're talking about "Do you write in the margins for "C++ for Dummies 69th Edition", sure.
crooked-v | 2 years ago
mcphage | 2 years ago
nhatbui | 2 years ago
vunderba | 2 years ago
[OP] Brajeshwar | 2 years ago
I just took a picture highlighting how I do now. Of course, room for improvement.
https://cdn.oinam.com/img/books/books-with-sticky-notes.jpg
wombatpm | 2 years ago
OJFord | 2 years ago
rob74 | 2 years ago
kruuuder | 2 years ago
_dain_ | 2 years ago
- blocking a sightline that pedestrians need to safely cross the road
- blocking a dropped curb that wheelchair/pram users need in order to mount and dismount the curb
- parking on the pavement so that wheelchair/pram users can't fit between the car and the wall, forcing them to go around on the street and putting them at greater risk
- damaging/cracking the surface because it is designed for foot traffic, not heavy vehicle loads
- intruding into a bus lane or bus stop, thereby causing delay for public transport passengers
If you only ever drive places, you tend not to think about the consequences of bad parking, because you don't suffer them yourself. But I don't drive, so I notice this antisocial ruining of the public commons all the time. Motorists are not good judges of which rules "really matter".
BSVogler | 2 years ago
hbossy | 2 years ago
rufus_foreman | 2 years ago
Isn't there also usually a good reason why the penalty is a small fine?
jjgreen | 2 years ago
uwagar | 2 years ago
i've also started illustrating books by printing pics from wikimedia relevant to the topic im reading. i just glue them in. its more 'destructive' than the pencil underlining but it can be fun to come back to such a book later or after many years.
OldGuyInTheClub | 2 years ago
mvdtnz | 2 years ago
OldGuyInTheClub | 2 years ago
For many years the Rhaetian Railways/Canton of Graubunden in Switzerland had high quality helmet-cam videos of a 30+ hour walk from Thusis to Tirano with many stops along the way. These were part of a beautifully done Flash website where one could "walk along" in real time. Unfortunately, when Flash went away so did the site. I wrote to them several times pleading for them to preserve it or at least make the videos available. They finally replied and said no, there was no interest let alone budget.
Wayback has the landing pages but not the videos which were served from elsewhere.
https://web.archive.org/web/20140704073418/http://www.webwan...
notahacker | 2 years ago
doabell | 2 years ago
OldGuyInTheClub | 2 years ago
pighive | 2 years ago
CPLX | 2 years ago
denton-scratch | 2 years ago
They'll take these selfies in front of any damn building - a brick-clad concrete lawyer's office built in the 90s, even a souvenir shop-window. If you're determined to be a tourist, at least look.
OldGuyInTheClub | 2 years ago
an_aparallel | 2 years ago
Learn how to decorate/style/design your interior spaces. Making the space you spend most time in unreal, is a great use of time. Or i guess as the article states - pay someone to do it? :)
werzum | 2 years ago
a_wild_dandan | 2 years ago
Interior designers are miracle workers. Like many things, the difference between “the DIYer tried hard” and “this was done professionally” is night/day. It’s an option, anyway!
an_aparallel | 2 years ago
think about colour co-ordination - you may want to consult the free adobe kuler online app...or grab a colour theory book.
Next - think about materials: plastics, metals, stone, wood, ceramic, glass, terracotta, plant material. These should all/will all be in your living space. The mark of some SERIOUSLY impressive interior design - at least in minimal design styles is the "bringing of the outdoors indoors".
Next is the "style" - generally you're going for a design style, minimal, japanese, maximalist, art deco, etc etc (look these up) but then layering modern things within the chosen style, and antiques. This is the part which takes practise/skill.
Next - your character: what do you like to read, listen to, admire - litter that within your space. If you like to eat/drink - fill your kitchen with coffee making tools...like a fine italian coffee machine, a baeletti, a gooseneck kettle. A carrafe for wine. Matching ceramic tea, sugar and coffee containers. A fine knife set.
A "hacky" and "not that good" - but still...better than 90% of people is just..going to ikea....picking out a rug, some plants, a few pieces of furniture, cushions, throws, some striking hifi, lighting (and outside of ikea - getting paintings, artwork, sculpture and antiques), large, medium and small plants, aquariums (tanks by fluval are particularly awesome)
dang | 2 years ago
Things you're allowed to do (2020) - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31705542 - June 2022 (171 comments)
Things You're Allowed to Do - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25513713 - Dec 2020 (416 comments)
Borrible | 2 years ago
pighive | 2 years ago
issung | 2 years ago
That was certainly an interesting link to follow.
hnbad | 2 years ago
> The BIO848NV Cadaver Dissection class will no longer be a fee-based course. It will be converted into a for-credit class, to be offered Fall 2024.
Given that his comment is apparently only a month old and he defended offering this fee-based course because it helped preparing cadavers for other for-credit classes, it seems this change happened within the past month. I wonder what motivated this change given the tone of his comment.
chordol | 2 years ago
[I don’t mind the repost(s). I haven’t seen it before]
jimsimmons | 2 years ago
strken | 2 years ago
I don't remember hearing Americans talking about that style of childcare, and was wondering if it exists over there, because it's a good compromise between a nanny and a massive childcare centre. Maximum 7 kids at a time, 4 if they're under school age, usually looked after by a stay-at-home mum[1]. Ours were all nice.
[0] https://www.familydaycare.com.au/about
[1] I assume it's not always mums, but they make up the vast majority
PaulDavisThe1st | 2 years ago
Consider that anecdata at best, though.
n8cpdx | 2 years ago
Multnomah County (Portland OR) is rolling out preschool for all with an emphasis on home-based providers.
One of the major questions about that approach is how well it scales compared to expanding something like head start or funding the schools to add preschool services.
https://www.opb.org/article/2022/05/02/multnomah-county-pres...
pottertheotter | 2 years ago
astura | 2 years ago
Swizec | 2 years ago
jameskraus | 2 years ago
itissid | 2 years ago
atleastoptimal | 2 years ago
nissarup | 2 years ago
kawhah | 2 years ago
It will generally tell you those things which are known to someone who has neither done detailed research, nor gained specific insights into that topic. (Together with made-up stuff.)
zubairq | 2 years ago
itissid | 2 years ago
I picked and learnt pre modern C++ to build NNets as my first CS project in 2002 and I had never coded in my life. It took me 3 months to just learn the damn MS Visual Studio c++ toolchain. But I did it anyway. I taught myself full stack development and found JS functional programming refreshing in 2006 when modern js frameworks were still young and no one around me took JS seriously(everyone was learning Enterprise java for web).
Then I became more picky about what to take up because of constraints. Somewhere along the way programming became about making a living. Things changed, I found learning had slowed to a crawl.
I don't think I have peaked in my ability to learn as much as peaked in making learning sustainable. But lately that is changing.
I felt renewed reading the words from Atul Gawande. Music and surgery have, it seems many similarities to software development. I have to keep upping my skill, develop patience, manage my mental health to pull off modest feats. I think coaches are important(though I could do better with seeking better career advice on choosing good problems to solve )
Completely coincidentally and serendipitously I have hired or used life coaches and therapists to help me and they have no experience on programming. they have made me look at aspects of my learning process, my beliefs and what I value and that is helping me make my learning sustainable; even though they are not programmers.
I think focusing on getting a good learning rhythm first was important for me to attain first in what I hope is my second wind in my programming career.
BOOSTERHIDROGEN | 2 years ago
mi_lk | 2 years ago
slyall | 2 years ago
Lots of people seem to have a thing against Going to the Movies, Eating at a restaurant or attending an event/concert/museum without a friend/partner.
Trust me it's not unusual and everybody is not staring at you.
lovelyviking | 2 years ago
I’ve encouraged many programmers to start dancing as they are naturally gravitating toward Argentinian Tango which is flourishing with good programming of steps combined with improvisation.
hutzlibu | 2 years ago
block_dagger | 2 years ago
saiya-jin | 2 years ago
I know quite a few people who literally can't just go on their own. They will bundle up with dubious people and go to subpar vacation they will hate afterwards, but its simply a mental block too big to overcome.
makapuf | 2 years ago
shmde | 2 years ago
kawhah | 2 years ago
jmye | 2 years ago
I think the implication is that on an individual level neither matters, and that suggesting, on social media, people stop traveling to prevent climate change is both ridiculous and harmful to anyone working to actually improve carbon emissions.
saiya-jin | 2 years ago
I have 2 small kids, life is often a daily struggle in one way or another, I couldn't care less about current carbon footprint just like I don't care about another non-urgent bottom 500 priority stuff. Vote in politicians that will take care of that instead of focusing on smooth corporate profits if you want to send positive message and change, and motivate folks to do the same to increase impact.
ryandrake | 2 years ago
That’s the thing: these narcissists on LinkedIn don’t care about their “carbon footprint” either. It’s all virtue signaling performance act targeting the Very Concerned people who eat these platitudes up. That’s what makes these statements so irritating.
yard2010 | 2 years ago
kQq9oHeAz6wLLS | 2 years ago
Vox_Leone | 2 years ago
If I had just one advice to give, that would be the one.
Talking about lists, I love this one:
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
jiggawatts | 2 years ago
Now I can eat by myself wherever, whenever, no issues.
It's strange how being forced to do something can make you change your perspective so completely.
Folcon | 2 years ago
Before being forced to, the narratives you probably had about someone eating by themselves were all about being loners or at least something negative. Now you know more reasons and the new reasons feel positive or socially acceptable, so you're willing to do the activity.
I suspect there's a step in the middle of this which is rationally coming to the reason vs experiencing it which also makes a difference. IE I can do some uncomfortable activity because I believe some reason that it's ok, but haven't experienced it, vs I've experienced an activity and now know it's fine, so now it's comfortable or easier.
astura | 2 years ago
mikub | 2 years ago
ryandrake | 2 years ago
doubled112 | 2 years ago
I also love driving or wandering around in the middle of the night when there's almost nothing going on.
Completely different perspective of the area.
pjerem | 2 years ago
As an example, I have no issue eating alone in a restaurant if it’s needed and I can even appreciate the loneliness when it happens but I can’t see the interest to go out alone on my own.
But I can acknowledge that maybe I’m missing something.
paradite | 2 years ago
Maybe a community curated list of places that are friendly to solo diners would be helpful? I have a few that I visit often.
etothepii | 2 years ago
paradite | 2 years ago
Simon_ORourke | 2 years ago
mettamage | 2 years ago
I mean, I'm sure that if you'd really want to, you'd come with a creative solution that would be beneficial for everyone. People with skin in the game that feel a particular need so strong as if they need to breathe oxygen, they usually have a shot at making stuff like this work, others don't.
That's my experience at least. I've heard quite a few times that what I'd do is impossible. Then they saw me do it and then I heard "oh but if you do it that way, then yea, with a lot of effort is is possible."
It's a mindset thingy, and the mindset that I see written in your comment feels like "I can't realistically." I get that, but IMO it's not the most helpful mindset if you want to do things that are slightly (or completely) off the beaten path. Martin Seligman's book helped in this aspect (Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life).
csydas | 2 years ago
I don't think the list is meant to be a "you must do these things" list, it's more to say "yes, you can absolutely do this if you want to, there is no cosmic force that stops you if _this is what you want_. I get your comment was incredulous towards an idea which isn't want you would want for yourself and your family, but my understanding is that the author's intent was to share their own realization that just because the things on their list are sometimes considered unusual or not normal doesn't mean you're forbidden from doing them. I think the author's point is more "you should not needlessly exclude valid options" as you're finding out what you really want to do in any element of life.
So your statement of incredulity is understood, sure -- you wouldn't want this right for yourself and your family at this time. The point is that if it is something you and your family wanted to do and could do, then the fact that it's not common for families to be nomadic shouldn't be a reason why you don't do it.
debtor66 | 2 years ago
spacebacon | 2 years ago
spacebacon | 2 years ago
yard2010 | 2 years ago
jimbob45 | 2 years ago
csydas | 2 years ago
My interpretation of the author's intent is that it was more to show how much we limit ourselves needlessly due to our own perceptions (however we got them) that such things are "not normal and shouldn't be done."
If I had read this article 10 years ago, it would not have resonated with me as it does today, but I was in a much different mental state 10 years ago. As I got to a better mental state I also started to eschew a lot of the limitations I placed on myself on what I can or cannot do -- don't interpret this too drastically, as many of the limitations I would put on myself were quite strict about absolutely benign and minor things, for example (and also from the article), "ask obvious questions". I was so afraid of looking stupid for not knowing something and also did not handle when I got dismissive responses to my questions at work, which meant I would stress myself out trying to research something I didn't understand well and conceptually had difficulties even starting to grasp, so even though I'd usually get it _eventually_, it was only after a lot of mental and emotional stress and lots of really dumb or bad mistakes (which garnered further dismissive statements/comments). What changed was I stopped being embarrassed that I don't know something completely unfamiliar to me, and instead practiced how to express:
- Here's what I understand so far
- Here's what I'm not certain about and would like clarification on
- Here are the questions I have that I don't even know how to start finding the answer to
- Here's why the questions/clarifications are important for my thought process
When I started framing it like this, I began to realize that the dismissive response _typically_ (not always naturally) came from one of two reasons:
1. The responder themselves didn't get why I was so lost on the subject before and thought I was dumb/lazy, but now they could see my train of logic and understand how I got to these questions/concerns
2. The responders were dismissive because they themselves did not know how to answer these questions and did not want to admit this, and instead decided to be dismissive.
It really opens up your own world and is great for your mental and emotional well-being when you stop limiting yourself needlessly on very basic things in life. Even physically and financially you can improve just by not limiting yourself needlessly, for example, talking about salaries with your coworkers, making counter-offers to unsatisfactory salary offers, asking for counter offers from your current employer if you get a job offer with a better salary.
This isn't to say that you will always be successful in these items, but my experience is the successes tend to outnumber the failures, and even when there are failures, often there's a silver lining from them. (e.g., using salary discussions again, a vitriolic reaction from a current employer I was considering leaving due to low salary/high stress job was scary and hurtful at first, but it made the decision to leave much easier as I saw plainly that not only was it possible for me to have a better paying/less stressful job, my request for counter-offer showed that my current employer really did not care how unhappy I was with my job -- the decision to leave became way easier)
Even just think of a few "out of the box" things you've done in life that worked well for you, I bet you could make a pretty decent list also.
paulpauper | 2 years ago
As someone with firsthand experience at this, I'd recommend not doing this. What will happen is your post will be auto-spammed/filtered, or be downvoted if it does show. I have had even good, relevant questions on Math Exchange be downvoted for not being specific enough or good enough. Tread carefully. This is not 2008-2014. The standards for participation have risen, algos and mods are way more strict.
debtor66 | 2 years ago
kubanczyk | 2 years ago
But as a newbie, you never know beforehand whether your question is novel or trite. Give it a try!
neilv | 2 years ago
Has that worked out for anyone?
shermantanktop | 2 years ago
I put “allowed” in scare quotes because this is yet another article that projects onto others what is so obviously just self-doubt and worries about convention and norms. It’s a real thing, it happens to most of us, but when you realize that there is no spotlight, things get easier.
astura | 2 years ago
I'm mean, sure, you can propose it, but nobody's going to actually take you up on your proposal.
gostsamo | 2 years ago
paradite | 2 years ago
Somewhat related and equally important is to recognize that "there's no speed limit" and you are allowed to go faster:
https://sive.rs/kimo
It was also posted on Hacker News:
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32497780
SirSegWit | 2 years ago
uwagar | 2 years ago
kqr | 2 years ago
- Ask questions.
You get so much information, so many services and favours, and access to so many things if you are willing to put yourself in a potentially uncomfortable position of asking. I thought that when I ask questions that make me uncomfortable I would regret most of them, but it turns out I only regret like one out of every 30 uncomfortable questions I ask.
I strive to ask more until I reach 10 % regretted, but I don't see it happening any time soon.
----
Something else not on this list is:
- Make your own everyday small-stakes insurance by betting with acquiantances.
This takes a willing counterparty, but you can insure a lot of things. Pay a friend $10 on the condition that they will pay you $100
- if the flight departure is canceled, or
- if it's raining on your picnic date, or
- if you get sick on the day of an important meeting.
It won't fix the problem, but it will be a band-aid on the wound.
You may have to adjust the odds based on the probabilities involved, of course. The goal is to offer odds such that your friends just about make money off of you in the long run, meaning there's something in it for them also.
ivanche | 2 years ago
Cthulhu_ | 2 years ago
kqr | 2 years ago
michaelt | 2 years ago
For the insured: It's not going to take the sting out of bad news if the payout comes from a loved one anyway. Why would I want to transfer my misfortune to Grandma?
pavel_lishin | 2 years ago
bjornasm | 2 years ago
rcxdude | 2 years ago
0xRusty | 2 years ago
astura | 2 years ago
But I guess there might exist someone somewhere that enjoys being around this sort of behavior??
pxeger1 | 2 years ago
- hire a car
- not eat regular meals
- wander around aimlessly
- walk up and down the same street many times
- own more than one of something people normally only have one of
- buy stuff in bulk
pjerem | 2 years ago
Ok but if you meet people, do something for the smell and take 10 seconds to check that you don’t have spinach between the teeth :)
rambambram | 2 years ago
You are allowed to do anything, until the law forbids it or stuff is regulated in a certain way.
Looking at it from this point of view, the world immediately opens up for you.
blueflow | 2 years ago
Cthulhu_ | 2 years ago
A really big and normalized one is tax evasion in the form of paying for items or services in cash without administration. Most if not all people you can hire for jobs around the house - gardeners, cleaners, handimen, plumbers, construction, painting, etc - will take cash instead of going on record.
The challenge there is that this takes trust, because you take a risk as well / there are no assurances if they do half a job. Make sure you get an address so you can torch their house or business if they mess you about.
hnbad | 2 years ago
esquivalience | 2 years ago
rambambram | 2 years ago
OJFord | 2 years ago
In what country is your recourse against a business determined by whether or not the business is paying its due tax?
zero-sharp | 2 years ago
admissionsguy | 2 years ago
kruuuder | 2 years ago
Huh? Depends on your friends, I guess. I have taken and given loans to friends several times, and it never was a problem.
vharuck | 2 years ago
And I'd strongly recommend against renting an apartment or house from family. At best, it adds unwanted dimensions to relationships. At worst, it turns times in life when you would've merely tripped into times when you trip and fall into a snarled briar of family problems.
causality0 | 2 years ago
Write on a post-it note affixed to a greeting card rather than on the greeting card itself, so the recipient can throw away the post-it and reuse your card
I...what? Why are you giving cards to someone who'd throw away the note? Stop giving meaningless cards.
Let the credit cards on recurring bills expire
You can try this but I've had at least one service (Xbox Live) manage to miraculously get my new card information without me giving it to them. Cancelling the card will cancel any service but just letting it expire and getting a new card with the same number and different expiration date might not.
Hotels where you can sleep comfortably
Should add this to the list: you can bring your own sheets and pillows to a hotel.
extraduder_ire | 2 years ago
Depending on where you are, companies can get updated payment information from your financial institution. I use revolut virtual/disposable cards for many things for this reason. I think privacy.com is the US equivalent.
blueflow | 2 years ago
bsuvc | 2 years ago
I'm not saying I've done everything in the list, but have done many of those things without thinking twice.
And the rest of them, I likely would not think twice about either.
Do people really feel like they can't do these things for some reason?
hnbad | 2 years ago
> Treat fines like payments
While true, this is literally "if the punishment is a fine, it's only illegal for poor people".
> Be a nomad
Having spoken with true nomads (i.e. not expats just remote work-cationing in one popular location like Thailand) this is actually exceptionally complicated and expensive, especially if you don't want to pay double taxes. And of course you still need to be able to get a visa for each country in the first place. If you have the requisite money however you can effectively bypass most taxes this way though as long as you don't settle down.
donatj | 2 years ago
I know some people bark about the non-technical stuff on HN, but a post about darning changed my life. When I get a hole in my jeans these days I will actually fix them rather than just buy a new pair. It’s frankly saved me thousands of dollars and is pretty relaxing and satisfying to do.
Took some digging, it’s apparently not up anymore
https://web.archive.org/web/20190321220452/https://dieworkwe...
ydant | 2 years ago
I finally got around to trying darning, and I succeeded, and it's incredibly satisfying to look at and wear those socks. It makes me happy that I managed to turn them from trash into something that'll last another couple of years, and every time I look at them I'm reminded of that.
I even chose some bright colorful yarn for the darning, and it just improves the experience even more for me.
astura | 2 years ago
No, but it might change the nature of the relationship, which is a risk. If the goods/services don't work out then you risk ruining the friendship. Appreciating the risks involved is important.
IshKebab | 2 years ago
It means that overall the list is quite pointless and low quality.
SpaceLawnmower | 2 years ago
IshKebab | 2 years ago
You've just given a few reasons why people don't just quit their jobs, but they are obviously aware that they can just quit their jobs.
Also this is clearly written from the perspective of an overpaid programmer. Most people can't just quit their jobs because they need to pay rent/mortgages and don't have huge savings pots.
LelouBil | 2 years ago
I have a very bad memory for things I have to do but since reminders I set up never appear right when I can do the task I still forget about it.
I have "buy new shoes", or "go to the ophtalmologist" in my phone since 4 months for example.
Are there people here that have a personal assistant and can share their experience ?
Side note : that's one of the reason I think I may have ADHD, I still have the reminder to take an appointment with a psychologist on my phone....
OJFord | 2 years ago
LelouBil | 2 years ago
I was just wondering if it would be a good idea.
yura | 2 years ago
Taking some inspiration from GTD, you can have different reminders, or rather task lists, for each different environment/moment. You can have one for “on-the-go” which are things you want to do when you are out of the house doing errands (“buy new shoes” would go here probably).
At least where I’m from, you have to schedule a doctor’s appointment before going there, so I’d replace “go to the ophthalmologist” with “schedule ophthalmologist appointment”. You can do that over the phone in less than 2min in your free time so I’d put it in a “free time” list. After that it’s no longer a task/problem, all you have to do is show up.
BirdieNZ | 2 years ago
Set many alarms, right now, to book that appointment. If you don't have ADHD or another disorder then you're only out a chunk of money, but if you do and can get medication then it can be life-changing.
king_phil | 2 years ago
tokai | 2 years ago
Eh what? That's definitely not allowed in most of the world. Other than that many of these are just you are allowed to pay other to do stuff for you, which is more a question of wealth than about if one dares to do it. The thing about treating fines like payment is peak clueless upper-middle-class-plus to me.
Handprint4469 | 2 years ago
Everyone, and I mean _everyone_, used SciHub to download papers. I can assure you that most of the academic world _does_ use SciHub.
tokai | 2 years ago
Handprint4469 | 2 years ago
12ab3c | 2 years ago
jopsen | 2 years ago
rcbdev | 2 years ago
xkcd1963 | 2 years ago
For appearance this is a bad choice. Not only does it not solve the root cause, it also is shortterm thinking.
SpaceLawnmower | 2 years ago
imp0cat | 2 years ago
xkcd1963 | 2 years ago
If it is just for cosmetics you are not doing yourself a service. Most of the time people do it because they have a low self esteem.
JDEW | 2 years ago
Hits home for me. Many of those things are also actually cheaper in the long run.
keybored | 2 years ago
tonnydourado | 2 years ago
"You can dissect a cadaver" was genuinely unexpected.
Nothing against specific professional help, like personal trainer, but I think "Hire a coach" belongs more in the "Things to not waste your money on" list.
And last, but not least: "Follow up many times. You won’t make people mad if you’re polite" is just wrong, I'm usually mentally cursing persistent recruiters by the time they follow up for the third (and, thankfully, usually, last) time. I'll report as spam in every conceivable way anyone that goes further than that.
sgt101 | 2 years ago
melagonster | 2 years ago
p.s., Biologists have another skill, but distinguishing bugs still funny.
onetimeuse92304 | 2 years ago
I actually don't think that's a good idea. I have observed so many friendships break this way that I think it is not worth it. I also have bad experiences personally.
Why would you want buy/sell services with your friends? To get a better deal? If you are getting a better deal out of this, you are likely to cause your friend to think they are getting bad deal and are exploited in this relationship. If you don't want to get a better deal than the market rate, just go and buy from anybody else in the market.
Even if you buy/sell with the friend at a market rate, he or you might be pressed into thinking you or them are expected to provide a better service. And this might come with the resentment ("I am being paid the same but expected to do more/better job")
If you provide services at a market rate to a friend, they might think they should be getting a better deal from you for the fact you are their friend. So for example, if you are a car mechanic and you are fixing their car, you might be doing a more thorough job but still charging them the same and at the same time they might not be able to appreciate that they are already getting a good deal and be unhappy with what they are getting.
As I work with computers / do software development, I simply refuse when friends ask me if I can do a website for them or fix their computer. I certainly could do this, but I am also certain that nobody is going to be happy with this relationship. My real hourly rate is so enormous and my website making skills so poor that they are 100x better just going to fiverr which is what I try to steer them to.
So my personal rule is to try to stay away from doing business with my friends unless they are friends that became my friends because I was doing business with them in the first place and we have healthy business relationship. I call them business friends/acquaintances. These people actually understand the business and understand the services I provide and can appreciate when they are getting a good service. I can charge them more than market rate and they will still be happy because they are getting much better service with much less risk.
jhbadger | 2 years ago
No, as the article says, to support artists and the like. Maybe you have a friend who paints, or makes jewelry, or has a band that sells CDs of their music. The point is to support these endeavors (and hopefully you enjoy the results).