While it is early days, it felt like they will likely build a strong relationship and be there for each other in a way neither of their parents ever would have, had they lived. It is the one silver lining in a very sad story.
Great article. It's hard to fathom the cruelty unwed women were subjected to not that long ago. A society that branded them as bad, immoral people for falling pregnant. A lasting trauma for so many lives.
As an adoptee this was validating to read. So often people expect a perfect ending when you find your bfamily. I know I did. Instead it’s complicated and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Hoping he has support and finds other adoptees to talk it out with
I think many adoptees would like to discover that their birth family or birth parents and their reunion would be nice, but even Long Lost Family what happened after episodes showed that this may be so (which was really expected).
I felt so bad for his birth mother. It seems she never got over being forced to give up her son, and later didnt know how to navigate getting reconnected to him. Hers was a very sad story, and a reminder that young women were treated horribly not that long ago.
A real quietly haunting article. As someone who wants to adopt, I think it’s a reality we need to keep in mind, and something to always be hyper-vigilant of; the abuses that can happen in these systems.
Great essay. So many people want a hallmark channel story and let that metric influence their expectations, but life is not like that. It's messy, complicated, and navigating it can sometimes be more than we can handle. The author did a wonderful job communicating this.
I sometimes feel the urge to skim ahead with long reads, because the writing could have been tighter and sometimes parts go on for too long. Not this one. Really well written.
I felt he lacked the empathy for what his mother had been through. It must be traumatising to be forced to give up your child against your will, and when you only meet him in late adulthood, he expects you to, what, get over it because at least he’s here now? I understand that that’s what someone in his position would need and deserve, but she seemed to be carrying a heavier emotional burden than him. Perhaps it’s just because the article was written quite dispassionately, and maybe that was a deliberate decision, but there are instances that suggest there was yearning on her side and detachment from his:
“My eyes settled on a small thin woman in black, with a somewhat severe dyed blond bob. There was something brittle in her manner that troubled me. To my surprise, my immediate thought was, “Don’t let it be her.” Of course, it was.” What a nice thing to say, what a lovely attitude to have.
To me it’s like the death of your sibling or child. Sometimes people say “It’s been years, they need to move on with their life” as though people can move on from that or as though there’s a time limit. They can pretend to, but they never really do move on internally, and I think that’s human. I don’t know. I think it makes sense to cut contact if you think every interaction and conversation with them over the course of years is negative or like they’re stuck in the past, but accusing them of not trying to help themselves is a bit much.
I’m not the most socially aware, but I don’t stint on empathy.
UQ4120 | a day ago
Glad he was able to connect with his half-brother, and find some answers.
zipiddydooda | a day ago
While it is early days, it felt like they will likely build a strong relationship and be there for each other in a way neither of their parents ever would have, had they lived. It is the one silver lining in a very sad story.
depressed_plants__ | a day ago
wow. as an adoptee this truly captures how messy and human and painful and baffling it is
DyllCallihan3333 | a day ago
Great article. It's hard to fathom the cruelty unwed women were subjected to not that long ago. A society that branded them as bad, immoral people for falling pregnant. A lasting trauma for so many lives.
Claircashier | a day ago
As an adoptee this was validating to read. So often people expect a perfect ending when you find your bfamily. I know I did. Instead it’s complicated and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Hoping he has support and finds other adoptees to talk it out with
NightSalut | a day ago
Great, but also a sad article.
I think many adoptees would like to discover that their birth family or birth parents and their reunion would be nice, but even Long Lost Family what happened after episodes showed that this may be so (which was really expected).
susanita100 | 21 hours ago
I felt so bad for his birth mother. It seems she never got over being forced to give up her son, and later didnt know how to navigate getting reconnected to him. Hers was a very sad story, and a reminder that young women were treated horribly not that long ago.
lesbian_Hamlet | a day ago
A real quietly haunting article. As someone who wants to adopt, I think it’s a reality we need to keep in mind, and something to always be hyper-vigilant of; the abuses that can happen in these systems.
ChocChipBananaMuffin | a day ago
Great essay. So many people want a hallmark channel story and let that metric influence their expectations, but life is not like that. It's messy, complicated, and navigating it can sometimes be more than we can handle. The author did a wonderful job communicating this.
I sometimes feel the urge to skim ahead with long reads, because the writing could have been tighter and sometimes parts go on for too long. Not this one. Really well written.
Siren_of_Madness | a day ago
This article made me look up my birth father to see if he's still alive. He is. I guess that's good.
Gladyskravitz99 | 23 hours ago
Wrenching but absolutely riveting piece. Thanks for sharing, OP.
_bonita | 9 hours ago
So heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing.
kanzler_brandt | 12 minutes ago
I felt he lacked the empathy for what his mother had been through. It must be traumatising to be forced to give up your child against your will, and when you only meet him in late adulthood, he expects you to, what, get over it because at least he’s here now? I understand that that’s what someone in his position would need and deserve, but she seemed to be carrying a heavier emotional burden than him. Perhaps it’s just because the article was written quite dispassionately, and maybe that was a deliberate decision, but there are instances that suggest there was yearning on her side and detachment from his:
“My eyes settled on a small thin woman in black, with a somewhat severe dyed blond bob. There was something brittle in her manner that troubled me. To my surprise, my immediate thought was, “Don’t let it be her.” Of course, it was.” What a nice thing to say, what a lovely attitude to have.
To me it’s like the death of your sibling or child. Sometimes people say “It’s been years, they need to move on with their life” as though people can move on from that or as though there’s a time limit. They can pretend to, but they never really do move on internally, and I think that’s human. I don’t know. I think it makes sense to cut contact if you think every interaction and conversation with them over the course of years is negative or like they’re stuck in the past, but accusing them of not trying to help themselves is a bit much.
I’m not the most socially aware, but I don’t stint on empathy.