I enjoy these toxic moms group articles because I myself am an LA mom who is in some moms groups and mine are so normal and nice (even though one of mine did, as this writer mocked, once do a weekend trip to Vegas). These articles feel like dispatches from a dimension where everyone has more money but also their lives are way shittier.
They're rage-bait. The editors know these people are insufferable just like reality producers know how to spot an entertaining train-wreck that people will watch.
She didn’t “get” a scandal; she caused one by dating one of the dads (who was involved in a long and bitter custody battle with one of the moms) and then chose to not invite their child to her kid’s birthday party. That poor kid had nothing to do with their drama but was punished for it.
I don’t think any group would tolerate behavior like that, much less a group that exists for the benefit of their kids making friends. Instead, the kids got to see grownups demonstrating how to NOT be a good friend.
Plus she wrote: "I experienced this with a few husbands, husbands who had once been chummy—flirtatious, even—but now looked at me like a succubus hell-bent on making them stray from their wives (or, alternately, a bad wife who might tempt theirs to follow my lead)."
So... she's admitting that she flirted with the married dudes of the group? Or at least didn't discourage them from flirting with her?
Yeah I caught that too. I think she threw that jn there to show she was getting attention from the dads. These people all sound like they’re in middle school.
Yep that was pretty gross. I’m sure flirting with “a few” husbands on top of everything else didn’t much help her reputation. The flirting had to have happened when she was still married or secretly separated based on the timeline in the article. Definitely Mean Girl behavior.
Yikes, this author sounds really unpleasant as a person. This is the bit that got me:
“Karen let her real feelings be known, questioning why I hadn’t invited Maddie to The Kid’s sixth birthday party—though I’d made it clear at our lunch that I did so to avoid creating further drama between my ex, Brody, and Claire.”
She excluded a six year old child from a children’s birthday party because as an adult, she didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. This is something that even the mom who was most sympathetic and kind to her thought was a bad move, and she decided it meant the sympathetic, kind mom was actually a bad person too.
Oh god… I just realized the six year old child she excluded is also the daughter of her boyfriend, the boyfriend she insinuates at the end has become a serious long term partner.
That's my issue as well. She doesn't have anything positive to say about anyone but herself and kind of spends the entire article shit talking everyone.
She doesn’t even realize why some people wouldn’t want to be close to her. She puts it down to, not the cleanest break, but people do have reason to be wary of her.
It feels like that would be obvious to anyone with any capacity for reflection. She mentions Maddie is one of her child’s best friends, so excluding her hurts Maddie and her own child. If Brody was a decent parent, he would have made it clear it wasn’t an ok thing to do.
Also man, reading this paragraph again knowing how it turns out:
“Maddie and Isabelle were The Kid’s two closest school friends. Maddie’s parents, Claire and Brody, had never married, and they had fought in court for most of Maddie’s life up to that point. (Claire sued for full custody, but the court ultimately granted them joint.) I’d met Claire first, and we were friendly, but Brody was the parent who showed up consistently to school-related social functions, and I found that Claire’s warm smile belied an aloof, fundamentally cold personality. She wore layers upon layers of clothing, even on the hottest days: a turtleneck under a quilted vest, a flannel tied around her waist, her eyes shielded behind dark aviator sunglasses, as if she were insulating herself from the rest of the world.”
Imagine your child’s stepparent type figure making your preference for dressing in layers a character flaw in a national publication.
That really bugged me. You're excluding a kid (and the kid likely knows she was excluded) because you made mistakes in your personal life?
The way she wrote about her own child was off-putting-she clearly thought her child was superior to the other kids. If she conveyed that attitude even a little, it would have been easy for the other to resent her from the start.
I fell out with a good friend in the past year, and she did not invite my daughter to her daughter’s birthday party recently. We did invite hers to my daughter’s which happened about a month after the falling out. They have been like sisters since preschool (now 10). My husband couldn’t believe it. He could not believe it to the extent where he believed they didn’t have a celebration at all, but yeah they did and excluded my daughter. I have no idea how they communicated to their daughter that mine wasn’t there.
It also seemed like maybe that mom was struggling with depression, an ED or another health issue if she suddenly went from a warm, bubbly person to cold, aloof, and dressed in layers unseasonably. But it's easier to chastise your boyfriend's ex-wife and characterize her negatively to make yourself feel better
It’s almost like the author knows there’s a health issue and also knew she couldn’t say it because she’s a “good person” so she said it this way instead.
I think this piece is meant to lead the reader into a revelation that the writer is also toxic and lacks insight and if so, it’s very clever! If this is not its intention, yikes. Either way, an engaging read
After being a teacher…I’m not joining a parent group. Some of these parents are nuts. Having kids doesn’t make someone automatically this amazing person.
> I was blogging then for a site I cofounded, and my husband was writing on a hit television show. We lived in a big Spanish house with a pool that was 10 minutes from the school, which made our home a convenient hub for playdates.
I’m sorry but I’m not finishing this. Why do major publications do these rando middle class struggle pieces!! Who cares!!
Yeah tv writers on hit shows make bank and those houses cost serious $$$$. “Middle class” is such an interesting term because most people think it applies to them and we really have no standard definition.
I think she’s emphasizing the size and architectural style of the house plus the pool as social class markers she’s proud of here, so it seems fair to assume upper middle class.
But I guess everyone’s standard for that varies, so it’s hard to say yeah. Depending on up bringing some people would be rightfully proud of making it to the middle class after all
A hit TV show, a big house in LA, a preschool with the occasional A-lister, designer clothes—these people are very upper middle class in LA and rich anywhere else
Well you missed this gem, "The Kid often wandered off the field mid play, muttering to themself about the periodic table." Speaking of her 5 year old playing soccer.
I just read it and I think she’s got no self reflection and wants to play the victim. She’s only a victim of her own decisions.
She was in a parent group, she gets involved with one of the dads in the group who’s going through a bad divorce (and whose kid is friends with hers) while she’s still married though separated. Like of course there’s going to be drama. She takes no responsibility for getting into a messy situation. Don’t shit where you eat. And if you do, don’t be surprised there are consequences and fallouts.
She didn’t invite her kid’s best friend because of her messy decisions. No regard for her own child or her new partner’s kid’s feelings.
Also, thinking you feeding other people’s kids makes you a martyr is crazy. It’s the norm, it doesn’t make people obligated to love you matter what.
The whole parent group sounds like a nightmare too. Grown adults in their late 30s/early 40s so desperate to be cool and still be young is beyond pathetic.
I feel like I clocked the type of person this writer is with this line “because my kid, The Kid, was different from the others. They taught themself to read before they were out of diapers and didn’t watch Thomas the Tank Engine or Daniel Tiger…” Lol.
I believe the author that the moms were initially welcoming and friendly and became cold after learning she was dating one of their ex-husbands.
The author had a nice house close to the school and she cooked for the kids, and she’s also Asian and none of the other parents are described that way (in fact the school is pointedly not diverse). I think preschool and school relationships are very transactional even though we try to convince ourselves they aren’t, and that’s at the heart of this piece. When she had something to provide, they wanted her friendship. When she was mostly a liability, they no longer valued her. They were never true friends, sadly.
I'm not excusing what the other people in this story did, but it's also hardly shocking that that wouldn't go over super well. These people all seem super tiresome.
thesphinxistheriddle | a month ago
I enjoy these toxic moms group articles because I myself am an LA mom who is in some moms groups and mine are so normal and nice (even though one of mine did, as this writer mocked, once do a weekend trip to Vegas). These articles feel like dispatches from a dimension where everyone has more money but also their lives are way shittier.
FormerKarmaKing | a month ago
They're rage-bait. The editors know these people are insufferable just like reality producers know how to spot an entertaining train-wreck that people will watch.
ShareSlow9232 | a month ago
haha totally, it's like watching a real-life soap opera. can't believe people live like that but it’s entertaining af
MissionReasonable327 | a month ago
I know plenty of sane LA moms. They’re just like everybody else, only they don’t eat carbs.
lisa_lionheart84 | a month ago
As the working mother of a toddler, carbs are one of my few joys.
Maybe they would all fight less if they ate more
beautbird | a month ago
You’re in a different circle then. My LA moms eat carbs.
MissionReasonable327 | a month ago
Good for them!
beautbird | a month ago
Mine was normal and nice until it wasn’t. :/
danceswsheep | a month ago
She didn’t “get” a scandal; she caused one by dating one of the dads (who was involved in a long and bitter custody battle with one of the moms) and then chose to not invite their child to her kid’s birthday party. That poor kid had nothing to do with their drama but was punished for it.
I don’t think any group would tolerate behavior like that, much less a group that exists for the benefit of their kids making friends. Instead, the kids got to see grownups demonstrating how to NOT be a good friend.
themehboat | a month ago
Plus she wrote: "I experienced this with a few husbands, husbands who had once been chummy—flirtatious, even—but now looked at me like a succubus hell-bent on making them stray from their wives (or, alternately, a bad wife who might tempt theirs to follow my lead)."
So... she's admitting that she flirted with the married dudes of the group? Or at least didn't discourage them from flirting with her?
Lorac711 | a month ago
Yeah I caught that too. I think she threw that jn there to show she was getting attention from the dads. These people all sound like they’re in middle school.
danceswsheep | a month ago
Yep that was pretty gross. I’m sure flirting with “a few” husbands on top of everything else didn’t much help her reputation. The flirting had to have happened when she was still married or secretly separated based on the timeline in the article. Definitely Mean Girl behavior.
Feisty-Donkey | a month ago
Yikes, this author sounds really unpleasant as a person. This is the bit that got me:
“Karen let her real feelings be known, questioning why I hadn’t invited Maddie to The Kid’s sixth birthday party—though I’d made it clear at our lunch that I did so to avoid creating further drama between my ex, Brody, and Claire.”
She excluded a six year old child from a children’s birthday party because as an adult, she didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. This is something that even the mom who was most sympathetic and kind to her thought was a bad move, and she decided it meant the sympathetic, kind mom was actually a bad person too.
Not an iota of self-reflection in any of it.
Feisty-Donkey | a month ago
Oh god… I just realized the six year old child she excluded is also the daughter of her boyfriend, the boyfriend she insinuates at the end has become a serious long term partner.
Real_Mycologist_3163 | a month ago
She also slags off the child she is coparenting (if he has 50/50)’s mother in an article anybody could read. That poor kid.
Feisty-Donkey | a month ago
It honestly gets worse the more you think about it.
[OP] sparkling-iced-tea | a month ago
That's my issue as well. She doesn't have anything positive to say about anyone but herself and kind of spends the entire article shit talking everyone.
herroyalsadness | a month ago
She doesn’t even realize why some people wouldn’t want to be close to her. She puts it down to, not the cleanest break, but people do have reason to be wary of her.
Real_Mycologist_3163 | a month ago
She even shits on her own (blatantly neurodiverse) child :(
OriginalBlueberry533 | a month ago
I hope it’s intentional to trick the reader
[OP] sparkling-iced-tea | a month ago
It's ironic because she definitely created more drama by not inviting Maddie
Feisty-Donkey | a month ago
It feels like that would be obvious to anyone with any capacity for reflection. She mentions Maddie is one of her child’s best friends, so excluding her hurts Maddie and her own child. If Brody was a decent parent, he would have made it clear it wasn’t an ok thing to do.
Also man, reading this paragraph again knowing how it turns out:
“Maddie and Isabelle were The Kid’s two closest school friends. Maddie’s parents, Claire and Brody, had never married, and they had fought in court for most of Maddie’s life up to that point. (Claire sued for full custody, but the court ultimately granted them joint.) I’d met Claire first, and we were friendly, but Brody was the parent who showed up consistently to school-related social functions, and I found that Claire’s warm smile belied an aloof, fundamentally cold personality. She wore layers upon layers of clothing, even on the hottest days: a turtleneck under a quilted vest, a flannel tied around her waist, her eyes shielded behind dark aviator sunglasses, as if she were insulating herself from the rest of the world.”
Imagine your child’s stepparent type figure making your preference for dressing in layers a character flaw in a national publication.
Fickle_Bookkeeper734 | a month ago
yeah, turning someone's wardrobe into a character flaw is wild. feels like projecting issues onto others rather than self-reflecting yk
JohnSith | a month ago
> She mentions Maddie is one of her child’s best friends, so excluding her hurts Maddie and her own child.
That doesnt matter, because the author's only focused on herself, and Maddie not as a person, but as an extension and reflection of herself.
mossgoblin | a month ago
Tbh I could tell she was gonna be fucking Brody based entirely on the weird way she went off on Claire's wardrobe being a character flaw here.
Feel bad for these people's kids smdh
beaniebeanbean | a month ago
This was my thought. “Everyone else is so mean to me! idk why!”
LoHudMom | a month ago
That really bugged me. You're excluding a kid (and the kid likely knows she was excluded) because you made mistakes in your personal life?
The way she wrote about her own child was off-putting-she clearly thought her child was superior to the other kids. If she conveyed that attitude even a little, it would have been easy for the other to resent her from the start.
beautbird | a month ago
I fell out with a good friend in the past year, and she did not invite my daughter to her daughter’s birthday party recently. We did invite hers to my daughter’s which happened about a month after the falling out. They have been like sisters since preschool (now 10). My husband couldn’t believe it. He could not believe it to the extent where he believed they didn’t have a celebration at all, but yeah they did and excluded my daughter. I have no idea how they communicated to their daughter that mine wasn’t there.
In_All_Over_My_Head | a month ago
So incredibly whiny. Christ.
[OP] sparkling-iced-tea | a month ago
Yes! I couldn't help but side eye the author...
RogueFox76 | a month ago
Well all these people sound so fun
Standard-Square-1384 | a month ago
dang, that’s some next level projecting. judging someone by their clothes like it reveals deep truths is kinda wild
big-bootyjewdy | a month ago
It also seemed like maybe that mom was struggling with depression, an ED or another health issue if she suddenly went from a warm, bubbly person to cold, aloof, and dressed in layers unseasonably. But it's easier to chastise your boyfriend's ex-wife and characterize her negatively to make yourself feel better
herroyalsadness | a month ago
It’s almost like the author knows there’s a health issue and also knew she couldn’t say it because she’s a “good person” so she said it this way instead.
IKnowAllSeven | a month ago
This writer sounds insufferable.
Gramscifi | a month ago
Maybe things wouldn't have become so toxic if you hadn't decided to fuck one of the other members of the parent friend group, Jen.
OriginalBlueberry533 | a month ago
I think this piece is meant to lead the reader into a revelation that the writer is also toxic and lacks insight and if so, it’s very clever! If this is not its intention, yikes. Either way, an engaging read
ZestycloseRevenue889 | a month ago
yeah it’s wild how often the writer ends up just as bad lol. def made for an interesting read tho
AdventurousTowel3696 | a month ago
idk same here, eflt more like a vent session than an actual insightful read tbh
queeenbarb | a month ago
After being a teacher…I’m not joining a parent group. Some of these parents are nuts. Having kids doesn’t make someone automatically this amazing person.
raysofdavies | a month ago
> I was blogging then for a site I cofounded, and my husband was writing on a hit television show. We lived in a big Spanish house with a pool that was 10 minutes from the school, which made our home a convenient hub for playdates.
I’m sorry but I’m not finishing this. Why do major publications do these rando middle class struggle pieces!! Who cares!!
CarlySimonSays | a month ago
*very upper middle class, surely?
whenthefirescame | a month ago
Yeah tv writers on hit shows make bank and those houses cost serious $$$$. “Middle class” is such an interesting term because most people think it applies to them and we really have no standard definition.
raysofdavies | a month ago
Depends where they live
CeramicLicker | a month ago
I think she’s emphasizing the size and architectural style of the house plus the pool as social class markers she’s proud of here, so it seems fair to assume upper middle class.
But I guess everyone’s standard for that varies, so it’s hard to say yeah. Depending on up bringing some people would be rightfully proud of making it to the middle class after all
lisa_lionheart84 | a month ago
A hit TV show, a big house in LA, a preschool with the occasional A-lister, designer clothes—these people are very upper middle class in LA and rich anywhere else
whenthefirescame | a month ago
Los Angeles and she’s definitely upper class.
Skimable_crude | a month ago
Well you missed this gem, "The Kid often wandered off the field mid play, muttering to themself about the periodic table." Speaking of her 5 year old playing soccer.
Feisty-Donkey | a month ago
I loved the combo of “my kid is weird” and “my kid is a better weird than other kids”
Conscious-Magazine50 | a month ago
Middle class??? No.
meri471 | a month ago
Never shit where you eat.
Real_Mycologist_3163 | a month ago
Some deep shades of internalised misogyny from the author, yeesh
Lorac711 | a month ago
I just read it and I think she’s got no self reflection and wants to play the victim. She’s only a victim of her own decisions.
She was in a parent group, she gets involved with one of the dads in the group who’s going through a bad divorce (and whose kid is friends with hers) while she’s still married though separated. Like of course there’s going to be drama. She takes no responsibility for getting into a messy situation. Don’t shit where you eat. And if you do, don’t be surprised there are consequences and fallouts.
She didn’t invite her kid’s best friend because of her messy decisions. No regard for her own child or her new partner’s kid’s feelings.
Also, thinking you feeding other people’s kids makes you a martyr is crazy. It’s the norm, it doesn’t make people obligated to love you matter what.
The whole parent group sounds like a nightmare too. Grown adults in their late 30s/early 40s so desperate to be cool and still be young is beyond pathetic.
DorothyDaisyD | a month ago
I feel like I clocked the type of person this writer is with this line “because my kid, The Kid, was different from the others. They taught themself to read before they were out of diapers and didn’t watch Thomas the Tank Engine or Daniel Tiger…” Lol.
alwaysclimbinghigher | a month ago
I believe the author that the moms were initially welcoming and friendly and became cold after learning she was dating one of their ex-husbands.
The author had a nice house close to the school and she cooked for the kids, and she’s also Asian and none of the other parents are described that way (in fact the school is pointedly not diverse). I think preschool and school relationships are very transactional even though we try to convince ourselves they aren’t, and that’s at the heart of this piece. When she had something to provide, they wanted her friendship. When she was mostly a liability, they no longer valued her. They were never true friends, sadly.
Sethsears | a month ago
>learning she was dating one of their ex-husbands
I'm not excusing what the other people in this story did, but it's also hardly shocking that that wouldn't go over super well. These people all seem super tiresome.
Ok-Style8034 | a month ago
ngl fr, dating an ex in a close-knit group is like tossing gas on a fire. messy vibes all around
raphaellaskies | a month ago
Is this the same Jen Wang who wrote The Prince and the Dressmaker???
[OP] sparkling-iced-tea | a month ago
Haha no different person!
Vogue credited the writer in an Instagram post here